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Step 1
Talk to your parents separately. Find out what their wants, thoughts, and ideas about the wedding are. It's your choice whether you want to consider them or not, but it'll make things easier in the long run if you at least have some idea of what they're thinking. Find out what both your mother and father are willing (and not willing) to do.
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Step 2
Work out with your fiance what behaviors you won't tolerate, and come up with a plan to deal with them. Then go into the next step with these plans, so you can be clear when telling your parents what you expect, and what will happen if they don't act maturely.
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Step 3
Talk to your parents again, this time together (if they're mature enough to handle it). Discuss with them what you want, and what you expect from them. It's your wedding, not theirs, so don't be afraid to tell them so. Be polite and considerate, but make it clear that you won't tolerate any childish behavior disrupting the ceremony.
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Step 4
After talking to your parents, talk to your wedding party about the situation. Explain to them what you want, and how your parents are likely to behave. You can assign your wedding party members to keep an eye on your parents at the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, ceremony and reception, just to steer them in a different direction or distract them. It's a good way to head off potential clashes.
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Step 5
Set up a seating chart for all the events, and keep your parents (and their families) apart, especially if there is bad blood between everyone. Consider speaking to your father and having him sit in the second row back, rather than the first row. This will put him in a place of honor near the front of the church or hotel, but he won't be sitting right next to your mother the entire time. Or you could do the reverse, depending on what you want.
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Step 6
Think about your step-family, if you have any. Don't be afraid to ask step-parents or your parents' girl/boyfriends to sit in the congregation rather than with them in the family spot. Again, it would probably be best to be polite about it, but don't feel like you have to give a special place in your ceremony to someone you might not know very well.
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Step 7
Make sure the photographer and other vendors are informed of the situation. You don't want awkward moments where the photographer asks your parents to pose together.
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Step 8
Consider not having alcohol at either the reception or the rehearsal dinner. Alcohol can inflame tempers and tear open old wounds between family members. Not having it around could head off some major arguments. In that same vein, don't have open-mike toasts. If anyone is drunk, immature or unhappy, they could use the toast to make veiled insults or insinuations, and make someone else angry, or a bitter family member could take a perfectly innocent toast in an insulting way. It could save you a lot of headaches to do both these things.
