How to Maintain a Long Distance Romance

The good news is that you have blissfully settled into what's going to be a happily-ever-after with the love of your life. The bad news is that her education, military duty or her dream job is about to put several thousand miles between the two of you.Here's how to use absence to make your hearts grow even fonder.

Things You'll Need

• Significant other
• Imagination
• Passion
• Trust
• Computer
• Internet connection
• Phone
• Long-distance provider
• Digital camera
• Stationery and postage

Instructions

1. Determine how long you're going to be apart, as well as how often you will realistically be able to reconnect in person. Take into account that some of this scheduling may be out of your hands. For instance, (1) it may be cost-prohibitive for your partner to fly cross-country every weekend; (2) military leave is predicated on rank, seniority and the needs of the unit; (3) an out-of-state relative's health crises are impossible to predict.

2. Discuss the benefits of the separation. If your partner's acquisition of a higher -education degree or a special training assignment will eventually bring more money to the family coffers, you need to weigh the short-term separation against a long-term gain for both of you. If your sweetie has been offered a job with a prestigious company, the fact that she is moving first will allow her to scope out your future address and, thus, facilitate a smoother transition when you are able to pack up and join her.

3. Establish a "distance dating" schedule. This will include things such as phone calls, e-mails, text messaging, cards and letters. If your primary communication will be via an electronic medium, you'll need to take into account differing time zones, Internet access capabilities and the amount of time your spouse will have available so as not to interfere with the performance of his job duties.

4. Write love letters that remind the object of your affections all the different ways that he makes your life so happy.

5. Take your digital camera or camera phone with you throughout the day so that you can visually record the sights you're seeing. Take a picture of what you're having for breakfast. Take a picture of the park bench you sat on after work. Take pictures of the living space and the pets you share together. Recruit friends (or, for that matter, even total strangers) to take snapshots of you doing silly things that will make your sweetheart smile.

6. Send care baskets of her favorite snacks, DVDs, CDs and books. Include lingerie tied up with festive ribbon. Mail her a handkerchief that has been spritzed with your favorite aftershave or cologne.

7. Maintain your friendships at home. Let your support group of gal pals know that you miss your partner and that the time apart will pass more quickly if you're filling it up with movie dates, meals or just sitting around and talking.

8. Reinforce common ties with your distant lover by sending a novel or short story that you've just read or recommending a movie you just saw and then talking about it. Is there a particular hobby you both love? Pick a project that you can simultaneously work on and ask each other for advice.

9. Write each other poetry. A few lines of amateur verse that you thought up on your own will speak volumes more than anything you can buy from a Hallmark store.

10. Reminisce together.

11. Trust one another. As the days stretch into weeks and months, there's a temptation to imagine that your partner is straying. What you need to remember, though, is that if the love and respect you have for each other were weak to begin with, the element of distance will have absolutely nothing to do with whether he wanders off. Accordingly, a separation that occurs after a couple has already spent a major part of their lives together in a happy marriage has a better chance of surviving than one where the couple dated during summer break or met online and are each reluctant to relocate in order to advance the romance.

12. Be sensitive to the natural ebb and flow of relationships. If he's busy with college finals or she's busy with a new job and you're the one with a lot of free time, you need to communicate your feelings without turning your desire for more attention into an ultimatum. Caught up in the excitement or frustration of new challenges, your partner may not even realize that you're feeling a little ignored. Maintain open lines of communication so that you can both deal with these speed bumps and, hopefully, make the relationship a stronger and more resilient one.

13. Send flowers. Most people only think to do this on a birthday, anniversary or Valentine's Day. Why not just celebrate that it's Tuesday and you woke up thinking about him?

Tips & Warnings

• Try to touch base at least once a day and let your beloved know that she is in your thoughts.

• Learn to resolve problems on your own. If every call you make to your distant spouse turns into a complaint or a whine, she's probably going to start dreading every time the caller ID displays that it's you.

• If you are going to have periodic visits during your separation (i.e., a military leave), don't put unrealistic expectations on the reunion. Yes, you're trying to cram as much as possible into a small time frame, but it shouldn't be to the point of emotional and physical exhaustion. Nor should you tax your partner with an extensive to-do list (i.e., paint the garage, clean the rain gutters, chop enough wood to last for the winter) or a litany of personal/family/financial problems that need to be resolved before she leaves.

Resources

• Dating for Beginners