How to Surely Get Killed In A Horror Movie Part 1

Most people in real life know how to fight for survival, aim for life, try to live, etc. But if you're in a horror movie, every 9 out of 10 of you will probably be dead by the end. So what if you're struggling to get to that pivotal point? Here are some tips to help you achieve your horror movie star status (i.e., become dead)!

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Yourself, in a horror movie, of course
• Extreme naiveté
• Stupid fearlessness (NOT to be confused with bravery!)

1. -Make sure, when there is someone freaky inside your house/something freaky going on inside your house, that you do not exit the house & head for the nearest place of refuge--police station, nearest house with electricity, the next state--when the danger becomes apparent. Make sure you look fearfully out the window, collaborate with your friends on what to do for an hour, & then finally, when you come face to face with the psycho killer--try to make a run for it.

2. -When you hear screaming/find someone dead/are getting phone calls with no one there or a freaky guy saying things he shouldn't know, make sure you don't call the police while you can. It's better to not even get the idea until the electricity is turned off/phone lines are cut.

3. -If the lights go out--& especially if someone has already been mysteriously killed or disappeared--make sure you venture into the pitch black basement by yourself. If the door at the top of the stairs closes behind you, be sure to go deeper into the basement, not towards the door to yell for help.

4. -If you & your friends are scared & being killed off one by one, & someone says there is a phone/weapon/car/etc. in the tiny, dark shed out in the back--be sure to volunteer to run to it & be everyone's hero, & take a long time getting there/out of there.

5. -When your buddies suggest going deeper into that narrow passageway in that freaky hidden cave you all discovered on your camping trip, be sure to support this idea, & head off the expedition. And be sure break away from the group when you all become lost, insisting that you have a better chance of someone finding a way out if you split up.

6. -In any situation that is scary, or completely dark, or in the event that someone's been murdered--split up. Groups have a much better survival/ability-to-beat-off-single-attacker rate.

Tips & Warnings

• Beware of falling for the star player in the movie--chances are he/she will be making it out alive, & if you're with them, you too!

[CrystalR]

on 10/9/2008 ha, very funny!

[RENorton]

on 8/25/2008 I LOVE THIS!! This is great! I remember watching several of these as a teen, and couldn't help but wonder if the filmmakers weren't somewhat misogynistic in portraying female characters as being so dumb! Excellent article! Can't wait to read Part 2!