How to Make Pruno

Pruno, also known as prison wine, has been around for decades. Learn how to make this homemade favorite and delight your guests at dinner with the worst tasting and least potent alcoholic drink they will ever manage to swallow. There are several things you can try in order to make it taste better, but none of your tricks will work. If you’re desperate, though, this is the recipe for you.

Things You'll Need

• 1 dozen oranges
• 1 can of fruit cocktail
• Water
• 1½ cups sugar
• 6 packets of ketchup
• Dark colored plastic trash bag and as many rubber bands as you can fit around it to keep the smell down
• Clothes pin

Instructions

1. Combine the fruit cocktail and oranges in the trash bag. To get off to a proper start when making Pruno, squeeze, knead and smash until they combine to form a less than slightly lumpy paste. This will take between 15 to 20 minutes.

2. Add 16 oz water that is room temperature. Seal the bag and shake to mix. Place the bag in a window--the same way you would set a tomato in the window to ripen. However, if you happen to be in prison while trying to make Pruno, then just pile your dirty clothes on top of it to keep it warm so that it can ferment. Feel free to snuggle with it at night to help the process along. Allow the ingredients to ferment for 3 days.

3. Carefully open the bag. Add the sugar and ketchup. Give the sugar time to dissolve, and then commence to kneading, squeezing and mashing your bag again for about 15 minutes. Reseal and allow to ferment for 6 more days. Remember to burp your bag daily so it doesn’t burst.

4. Attach the clothes pin to your nose and open the bag. This is necessary for this stage of making Pruno. It will appear grotesque, moldy and will smell worse than any diaper you were ever so unfortunate to change. Remove the chunks of fruit that managed not to deteriorate and any mold you don’t intend to swallow. The chunks of fruit will not aid in accelerating the buzz process.

5. Strain. Drink. Vomit. It’s pretty simple. Your only hope is that you actually get a buzz that will help you forget that you just drank something slightly less tasty than anti-freeze, worse smelling than the litter box and entirely not worth the effort.