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Step 1
Do not be late for the funeral. To make sure that you are on time, double check with the funeral home to verify the arrival time. Sometimes newspapers get it wrong, so don't rely just on a newspaper listing.
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Step 2
if there is a viewing time before the service starts, make sure you get there in time for that. This is an appropriate time for you to pay respects one-on-one to the deceased. The viewing time is usually a half hour to an hour before the funeral service, so your arrival time is flexible. You do not have to get there right at the beginning of the viewing time. Just make sure to get there with enough time to pay your respects to the deceased and family members.
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Step 3
Dress appropriately. Black is the customary color for funerals, but it is not necessary to dress completely in black. The key is to dress modestly--nothing revealing, tight, bright or that calls attention to you.
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Step 4
When you arrive at the funeral home, immediately sign the guest book. This is a way to let the deceased's family know that you were there to show your respects.
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Step 5
After signing the guest book, look for the deceased's family and greet them. Express your sympathy for their loss. This show of support on your part is important in their time of sadness.
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Step 6
Keep your voice down in the funeral home. This is not a time to be loud or obnoxious; that is disrespectful. Maintain a soft tone of voice.
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Step 7
Get in line to pay your respects to the deceased. There may be people ahead of you also waiting to pay their respects, so be patient. Don't initiate conversation in line. There may be an open casket, closed casket or urn with ashes. The procedure is the same--there will be a little podium with a kneeling pad and "altar" type arm rest. Go up to the podium and kneel on the cushion. Put your arms on the "altar" and say a prayer or sit in a moment of silence. You should also think something nice about the deceased. Be as respectful and gentle in your movements as possible.
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Step 8
If there is a funeral service after the viewing, take a seat in the rear with other guests, (unless you are a family member of the deceased, then sit with the family). The family usually sits up front for the service. Stand when the casket comes into the room and sit only after the family sits. Participate in the funeral service (or fake it, if you're not comfortable) with prayer or whatever the service calls for.
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Step 9
After the service is over, you may choose to pay your respects by attending the graveside service, if there is one. Sometimes this is limited only to family members, so you will want to check with the funeral director. There are usually several funeral home employees standing around, either near the doors or near the cars outside, available to help you. There will also be an announcement at the conclusion of the service either inviting everyone to the graveside service or thanking them for coming and informing them that the rest of the ceremony is private.
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Step 10
If you are able to attend a graveside service, make sure that you see a funeral employee (they will usually ask you when you arrive to park) so that they can get your car keys to line your car up and put a "funeral" flag or placard on your car. This is so that you can participate in the funeral procession.
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Step 11
If you are in the funeral procession, make sure you drive with your headlights on (it's a show of respect and an indicator that you're part of the funeral). Drive slowly and safely as part of the procession.
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Step 12
At the graveside, gather around the casket, taking care to leave room for the family members, who usually sit or stand next to the casket. Once again, follow along with the service and be respectful.
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Step 13
At the conclusion of the funeral, the funeral director will notify everyone that the service is over and thank them for coming. Make sure to pay your condolences to the family once again.
