How to End a Romantic Relationship With Your Coworker

The relationship started out fine. You thought your decision to move forward on dating your co-worker was a good one. After all, lots of people find their soul mates in the workplace. But you were wrong. After a few months or years, your relationship with your co-worker went from good to bad. Now you feel stuck. How do you end a relationship with someone you work with and see on a daily basis? It isn't easy, but it is doable.

Instructions

1. Make sure you are very clear on what went wrong. Is it basic incompatibility? Was your thinking flawed about who you were dating? Many times we date people on the job because we are drawn to the way they handle things professionally, only to find out that they handle personal life and relationships very differently from the way they handle business.

2. Schedule a time during non-working hours to discuss and end your relationship with your co-worker. Schedule a time for the conversation to take place face to face. Choose a day when you do not have to return to work the next day (or anytime soon).

3. Be clear with your co-worker about your feelings. Explain that you do not want the breakup to interfere with job performance and work matters. Hopefully your co-worker will agree to mutually end the relationship.

4. Stay calm during the breakup discussion. Do not make inappropriate statements such as, "I can make your job hard for you if you don't leave me alone," or "I won't hesitate to file a harassment suit against you."

5. Agree not to discuss the matter with other co-workers or say negative things about each other.

6. Write a dated letter to your co-worker confirming and summarizing your conversation and decision to break up. The letter does not have to go into every single detailed incident that led to the breakup, but it should state the date that you decided to end the relationship, as well as the basic reason for the breakup (such as incompatibility). Try to say something positive or nice in the letter, such as: "I learned a lot from this relationship. I sincerely hope there are no hard feelings." Reiterate your stance about not letting the breakup interfere with the job.

7. Utilize an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) if one is available, to discuss your feelings and concerns about the breakup with a certified professional counselor. This will help you get professional opinions and advice from a non-biased professional, as well as have on record your good attitude and proactive approach.

8. Schedule a two-week vacation (or as much time as you need) after the breakup to regain your composure, gather your thoughts, meditate and maintain positive energy.

Tips & Warnings

• If necessary, document and record all conversations you have with your co-worker leading up to and after the breakup.

• Keep a copy of the letter you wrote to your co-worker about the breakup for your own personal records.

• Do not hesitate to go to HR and request a transfer if possible, if things are too difficult after the breakup.

• Do not hesitate to talk with your supervisor or HR if your co-worker decides to make your job difficult or harass you.