How to Cope With Your Child's Diagnosis of Autism

Hiding under pants on her head!

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By AJ Tyne
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The diagnosis every parent dreads finally arrives. In your life. Now all the months or maybe even years of hoping he would outgrow it, or she was just a little developmentally delayed and would catch up are behind you. Your child has just been officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. How do you cope? What can you say? Possibly your main thought is how to get out of the doctor's office without collapsing, emotionally and physically. Even though your world is reeling, you will get through it. Here's how to cope the scary diagnosis of autism.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Hope
Faith
Love
Intestinal Fortitude (guts)

Step 1

Go ahead and grieve. You have experienced a loss, a great loss. It's OK to grieve, and in fact, necessary in order to let go of every parent's plans and hopes for their child and latch on to reality. You won't be able to fully accept your child's autism unless you grieve.
Step 2

Take a cue from a feline -Relax!

Rest your mind and body, as much as possible, for a couple of days. If you were not expecting this diagnosis, this will likely hit you like a load of bricks. Take it easy on yourself. Even if you were suspecting autism, hearing it officially is quite different from a suspicion. Your entire world, your entire LIFE, has just changed COMPLETELY and FOREVER. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to clear you head and ease your pain before moving on to the next step.
Step 3

Accept. Move on. OK, you have grieved, you've lost your child and found a new child in her place. Now is the time to accept the autism and the child. Other major illnesses or disorders or injuries can be devastating, but still leave your child intact, as a person. Autism is different. A part of your child's personality, thoughts, hopes, fears, and feelings is locked away from you, sometimes permanently. But believe me, Love breaks through and will help you to help your child, despite the harsh blows that autism deals.
Step 4

Learn all you can about the Autism Spectrum. Beware of grasping at straws by latching on to every fad, and every miracle cure. There is no one thing that has helped even half of autistic children, much less a majority. So pick and choose your solutions carefully. But read and talk and ask questions, and learn all you can. Chances are excellent that you will have to educate your child's doctors, nurses, teachers, therapists at least at times throughout your child's life. So be prepared by studying hard.
Step 5

Don't forget to learn from your child, too. Your child will teach you the most, but you have to be very observant and let your love be your guide in understanding what is needed, what is the problem this moment, what is your child wishing he could communicate...
Step 6

Understand. Always remind yourself -- and you will need a lot of reminding -- that as hard as life has become for you, it is doubly hard for your child. Put yourself in your child's position, especially if your child cannot talk. How must it feel to have a bad headache but not be able to tell anyone, ask for medicine, nothing?
Step 7

Don't let ANYONE, no matter what their credentials, decide on their own what your child needs. Don't let ANYONE, regardless of credentials, persuade you that you don't know or understand your child. If you feel that they are mistaken, TELL THEM. You are the only one who can stand in the gap for your child. You're the only REAL ADVOCATE your child has. Accept all offers for help, all suggestions, all advice, but at some point you have to decide what helps the most, what the behavior means, what is needed -- even if your child's doctor feels differently.
Step 8

Accept the reality of autism. Accept whatever your child's limitations are. But reach for the stars! You don't know now what your child's capabilities will be. You don't know how far he can go. Independent living? College? Group Home? Even though your child will surely have limitations and difficulties all her life, she needs you to gently push, guide, and encourage her in order to reach her own unique potential.

Comments

Limowreck said

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on 6/22/2009 As the parent of a child on the spectrum, I wish I had understood #8 when my son was diagnosed. I slipped into a depression for a week or so and couldn't even look at him as the same child. I thought he would continue to regress until there was nothing left of him. When I snapped out of it, I found there were many ways to help him reach his true potential. My son gets better every day. If we hadn't reached for the stars, I think he would still be in that horrible trance. Thanks for this beautiful article. We need more articles like this for parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorders.