How to Write a Letter of Condolence

Offering heartfelt condolences can help ease the pain after a loss.

Writing a condolence letter can be difficult for many reasons, and you might even be tempted to put it off at first, then never complete it. This can cause hurt feelings, as the aggrieved might think his pain is being ignored. Instead, write a fairly short note that summarizes your feelings about and experience with the person who died. It can be hard for someone in mourning to concentrate on a lengthy letter, says the American Hospice Foundation.

Difficulty:

Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Paper
• Pen

1. Get good-quality paper and use your own handwriting rather than printing out a note. This personal touch will assure the reader that the feelings expressed are heartfelt.

2. Refrain from cliches like "I know your pain" or "This will pass in time." Instead, start with something simple and true, such as "I'm sorry to hear that your father has died."

3. Write about the deceased person, how you knew him, what experiences you shared. People who are grieving want to hear about their loved ones and see them as others saw them, too. A personal experience, however brief, that shines a light on that person can be a touching addition to a letter.

4. Make a promise to make personal contact soon. A person in mourning might feel particularly alone and uncertain, and knowing that your friendship is unchanged can be a great comfort. Tell your friend that you will stop by at a certain time on a certain day. You also can simply state that your friend and her family are in your prayers, or that your support and love are always there for her.

5. Read the letters and put yourself in your friend's place. Ask yourself how you might feel after receiving the letter. This will give you the chance to make changes before sending it.

Tips & Warnings

• Be genuine. People can feel the honesty of words on paper, and will recognize when you are being sincere versus when you are "saying the right things."

• Give the person your personal contact information, like your cell number, to truly make good on your offer to be there for them

• Try your best to attend the wake/funeral

• After you have finished your letter, ask yourself if you were the one receiving it how it would make you feel - happy, sad, upset, angry?

References

• American Hospice Foundation: Writing a Condolence Note