How to Help Your Adopted Baby Sleep in Their New Home

Welcome to "Parenthood"! You have managed to get through the adoption process and now have your new, sweet baby at home. Life will surely get better, right? Oh, wait--there he is--staring at you with his big, brown eyes, wondering who you are and what you are going to do next.

And as you look into his sweet face, so do you...

Here are some tips to help you get your newly adopted child to sleep. Try them all, try them in combination, try only one or two of them. Whatever you do, try them, or you will feel like you will never sleep again!

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Newly adopted baby/toddler at home.
• Sleepy baby/toddler who does not want to sleep.
• Music.
• Rocker.
• Pillows.
• Stuffed animal.
• Milk/Bottle (for baby).
• Strong coffee (for you).
• Patience.
• Night light.

1. Many children adopted internationally, especially, are used to very different sleeping conditions. For example, Latin American children raised in foster care tend to have been sleeping with their foster families. When you first bring home your child, the baby may need to at least fall asleep with you in the beginning. Many Latin American children sleep on their foster mothers' chests from birth until the time they come home with you. Allowing them to sleep on your chest in the beginning is a great start to helping them adjust to you as their new mother.

2. While they may need to fall asleep on your chest or in your bed, they don't need to stay there. Have your husband take your very asleep new baby to his crib and he will likely sleep there for several hours before he wakes up.

3. When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, start by rocking him gently in either a rocking chair or while swaying gently. This will ease your baby back to sleep while your presence calms him. In the beginning, plan on this happening several times a night, and remember, your new baby is adjusting to everything new: lights, sounds, language, smells, tastes. He needs something to be consistent, and that starts with his bedtime routine.

4. After two weeks, start weaning him from falling asleep on your chest to rocking him in a rocker in his room. Turn on lullaby music and have a bright night light in the room. Make sure the music plays throughout the night, as a baby will learn to put themselves back to sleep based on a consistent environment. At this point, your baby should know you better and be more amenable to the change in his sleep routine. Rock your baby until he is completely asleep, and leave the room.

5. Have a set bedtime. All children, ESPECIALLY adopted ones, crave and need consistency, predictability, and routine. When you set the bedtime, make sure it involves a consistent routine--reading, music, prayer, rocking, a bottle--the goal is to enable your adopted child to learn how to sleep in his new environment.

6. After two weeks of rocking your baby completely to sleep, you are now ready to take the next step: rocking your baby mostly to sleep. Remember, you are undoing a process that your adopted baby learned early in his young life. It will take time to change the way he is comfortable sleeping. Again, make sure the room is consistent with how you have kept it--whatever that looks like for you.

7. With each step, your child will need something that enables them to learn to self-soothe. This might include a stuffed animal, a blanket, or even pictures of you and your family, which should include him. These items will create familiarity in his life, and enable him to feel more secure as he drifts back to sleep.

8. Once this step is complete, you are ready for the next one: rocking for just a few minutes before you put him down to sleep. Your adopted baby will at this point be much more familiar with you as his mother/father, and will likely simply need reminders that you are there and will not leave him. If he begins to cry when you put him down, leave the room and give him about 15-20 minutes before you go back in to check him. At this point, do not get him out of bed, or he will begin to train you on how he wants you to behave when he cries at bedtime. Rub his back, sing to him, pray over him, and then leave the room. Repeat this a few times, but ultimately, you may need to allow him to cry it out until he falls asleep.

9. At this point, you should be at the point in which you can easily put your baby in the crib without rocking him. This does not mean you should not rock him, it just means that you should choose how you wish to proceed. Your baby should feel completely safe with you at this point and know that you are not going to leave him.

10. Tell your new addition how much you love him. Don't let him ever question how much you love him. He has been through a lot of change in his short little life, and he needs to know he is loved unconditionally. And remember that you will want to use these ideas interchangeably and repeatedly until your newly adopted child is able to sleep on his or her own.

Tips & Warnings

• Have a bottle ready to give your baby, but don't allow him to sleep with the bottle, as this could be dangerous.
• Drink coffee liberally during this process.
• Remember that each baby is different, and you may need longer or less time to actually go through each step in the process.
• Giving your new baby a lavendar bath before bedtime can help relax your baby before you start the "going to bed" process. He will smell good as an added bonus!
• Do not yell at or shake your baby at any time.
• As you work with your baby to help him adjust to his new surroundings, recognize when he is learning to manipulate you, and put a stop to it before it gets out of control.