How to Waste 22 Years!

Surely it's easy enough to waste a good 22 years in a dead-end, mind-numbing, health-killing job. But there's an easier way! And you may even be doing it right now!

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Any flat surface, or even a bar to hang upside down from

1. 

   Sleep without dreaming! Well, supposedly everyone dreams. But if you never remember any of your dreams, isn't that like just having an 8-hour blackout every night? Sounds like a pretty good waste of time. To make sure you don't remember any dreams, here are some tips:
   
   - Set an alarm clock. An especially annoying one will jerk you out of sleep and right into waking life, with not a single shred of the dreamworld remaining in your memory.
   - Don't keep a dream journal. Well, this is obvious. What would you write in it?
   - Stop reading this article! It will make you think about dreams and then your subconscious will want to have some and make you remember them in the morning!
   ;)

2. 

   Only have nightmares. This is a great way to waste a lot of time. If you have a recurring nightmare, remind yourself to keep having it. Don't think about it or examine it's meaning because this may lead to personal growth, which is not a very good waste of time!
   
   How to have more nightmares:
   - Watch scary movies and/or think about the scariest scenarios you can before bed.
   - Harbor several resentments and fears of other people. Hopefully they will pop up in your dreams to fight with you.
   - Make huge changes in your life constantly, without thinking about them too much in waking life.
   - Remember how many germs and terrible diseases there are out there!
   
   Have fun with this!

3. 

   Sleep even more! 12 hours is a good amount to work towards. Imagine! Half of your life!
   To achieve this:
   - Eat at least 14,000 calories a day, so you'll have to sleep off stomachaches, headaches and be extra tired from all the digesting.
   - Don't exercise. This is a fun one! You can find any excuse at all not to exercise - watch TV, play on the internet, work a desk job. Then you can scoff at all the people out there putting themselves through the agony of exercising every day!
   - Give up coffee. Replace it with extra naps. The hours add up!
   - Start any other drugs you want, but only depressants or those that have side effects including drowsiness.
   
   Good luck and happy sleeping!

Tips & Warnings

• Rip Van Winkle and Sleeping Beauty are your new role models.
• Watch out for people who are enthusiastic about sleeping less. Be suspicious of all of them.
• Don't visit the website in the resources area! It will not help you with your mission!

Resources

• Insomniac's Lounge

[CookinNancy]

on 10/22/2008 Haha... I think the 1st part most people do anyway... or maybe I'm weird ;)

[Psalmist4M]

on 7/31/2008 Smart article. Thanks for the reverse vantage! 5*s christianwomenconnect.com

[vikki9]

on 7/31/2008 Ha! Thank you!