How to Talk to Kids About Good Manners

It is necessary to teach kids respect and acceptable values from an early age to help ensure life long compliance. Kids aren’t born with good manners and require consistent teaching to help them realize their respective family and societal roles. When kids exhibit good manners, it shows a healthy respect for themselves as well as the world around them. No one likes to interact with undisciplined kids, so it is essential to talk to them about good manners whenever appropriate.

Instructions

1. Use age appropriate language and situations when talking to kids about good manners. Know that a kindergartener will not understand the same concepts that will be clear to a high school student. Introduce new areas as the previously covered ones are better understood. Themes like friendship and obedience are commonly understood and can be expanded as the kids grow older. Ensure that the kids are listening by asking them to repeat the main ideas of your conversation.

2. Establish clear expectations for the kids. Let the kids know how they’re supposed to behave when interacting with their family members, peers and authority figures. The kids should know that every interaction will not be a positive interaction and that they should be prepared to cope with negative events. Avoid teaching the kids that is acceptable to “mouth off” in distressing situations. Kids are masters at finding loop holes when it comes to being disciplined.

3. Encourage the kids to ask questions about good manners and etiquette. It is healthy for kids to want to know how they fit into the world system. Now is not the time to give out answers like the infamous “because I said so.” Allow the kids the opportunity to express their concerns and complaints about using good manners. You may find that their fears are due to being the victim of peer or adult bullying. Take the time to explain how good manners can spell the difference between getting in and getting out of trouble.

4. Discuss real world scenarios with the kids. Ask the kids to give examples of other kids using both good manners as well as bad manners. Point out the kid yelling at his mother in the grocery store or the kid throwing rocks at the neighbor’s dog. Show them that kids who use good manners are well respected by adults as well as their own peers. This will help the kids see the many positive benefits of using good manners and the stigmas of being associated with the use of bad manners.

5. Enlist the help of reinforcements. It is often helpful for important messages to originate from different sources to present a united front. Ask other family members including siblings to take an active role in talking to the kids about good manners. Use other aides like television shows and movies as segues into deeper discussions about good manners and appropriate behavior.

6. Remain consistent and patient when talking with the kids. Although you will have to repeat yourself, know that your efforts are not being lost in vain. Kids are not robots and will not behave perfectly in every situation. The goal of talking to kids about manners is to help them behave correctly in the majority of situations. Remember that kids feed off your emotions and reactions--use good manners when speaking to them.

Tips & Warnings

• Start talking to kids about good manners early to help demonstrate your firm commitment to their compliance.

• Avoid overlooking the use of bad manners. Make it a point to correct inappropriate behavior in a firm and consistent manner.