How to Stop Nagging Your Husband

Couples may experience stress related arguments or tension due to finances, outside influences, and unmet expectations. Instead of finding acceptable outlets for stress or developing coping skills, spouses may personalize pent-up emotions toward each other. The husband may be the recipient of unspent anger and frustration through nagging by the wife. Nagging is defined as the bothersome, constant, irritating voicing of what expectations have not been met or a task that needs to be done. Through time, the wife has earned the reputation of being the “nagger” and the husband the victim of the nagging. From this perspective, we will look at ways to stop nagging the husband.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Find the root cause of the problem. Sometimes goals and expectations can not be met because there is a lack of communication. It is important that couples know what goals and expectations have been set for the relationship goals and expectations need to be clearly expressed. They must be specific, achievable and be time-measured.

2. Talk without shouting. Raised voices can cause a person to immediately become defensive. When in a protective mode, the husband may shut down emotions and stop listening. He may retreat inside himself to get away from an unpleasant situation. It may cause him to have low self-esteem or to lash out in angry retaliation causing an escalation in the conflict.

3. Allow for flexibility. Remember that goals and expectations don't have to be static. Be flexible enough to allow for reevaluation if necessary. Employment changes, family size changes and personal growth issues can be unaccounted dictators as to whether an expectation can be achieved.

4. Agree to disagree. Marriage is an equal opportunity, 24-hour a day endeavor. There must be an atmosphere conducive to expressing opinions and ideas without recrimination and retaliation. Once a discussion is over, it is over. Each opinion must be respected and the expresser must not leave feeling belittled. While it is not possible to agree with your husband regarding every situation, it is possible to allow him to express his point of view without fear of reprisal.

5. Develop coping skills. Find different outlets for expressing pent up frustration. Some examples are walking away from heated discussions, taking up a personal hobby, and learning effective communication skills. There are many places to find ideas to deal with stress including books, support groups and the Internet. It may be therapeutic to communicate your feelings with a trusted girlfriend while on a girl's night out.

6. Seek counseling. Never feel like it is too late to get counseling. It may take a mediator to help remember the reason the relationship exists in the first place. Counseling will help each spouse to learn skills to improve the communication process. In any relationship, both parties have a stake in the outcome of the relationship. Some behavior may be learned as a result of the stress and results in habits that need to be retrained

Tips & Warnings

• Remember, respect between husband and wife is paramount to a successful relationship.
• Nagging your husband in front of others can be hazardous to his self esteem and your relationship.

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