How to Stop Behaving Like an Emotional Dump Truck

A bad day at work pushes you to snap at the grocery clerk. A fight with your spouse leaves you short-tempered with your friends. Unfulfilled longings of your own spur to spread hateful gossip about a more successful coworker. These are the acts of an Emotional Dump Truck, and while it is inevitable that you will lose your cool occasionally, it is important that you do not make emotional dumping your standard way of relating. Displacing your anger and projecting your problems onto others is unproductive and hurtful to everybody involved, including yourself. May these tips shed light on your own Emotional Dump Truck tendencies and stop you from dumping your unresolved emotions onto innocent bystanders.

Instructions

1. Pay attention to critiques of your character. You may be acting like an Emotional Dump Truck without even realizing it. I used to yell when I got upset. It took many years and many different people saying, "Don't yell at me," before I became aware of my behavior. I hadn't even realized I was raising my voice. Similarly, a friend of mine has been told time and time again that he is overly judgmental. The bad news is that this has ruined many relationships in his life. The good news is he is finally waking to this unconscious behavior. Are there lessons to be learned from the constant character complaints you receive from those around you?

2. Accept that your way is not the only way. There are many "right" ways to live in the world. By letting go of the belief that your way of the doing things is the only way to do things, you let go of the need to get angry when people don't act in the same way you would like them to.

3. Acknowledge your power. The German philosopher, Goethe said, "I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element...I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a person humanized or dehumanized." Each of us has this tremendous power. Foster yours carefully.

4. Own your responses. It is true that the world throws a lot of hardship at each of us. People let us down, jobs end, bodies fail. You have no control over what you get, but you do have control over the way you respond to what you get.

5. Speak your truth. We often become Emotional Dump Trucks when we hold our true desires in and allow people to take advantage, use and manipulate us. Learn to speak your truth, draw your boundaries and hold strong to what you need.

6. Know your triggers. Be aware of the things that send you into Emotional Dump Truck mode. When you feel yourself about to blow, break the pattern by doing something that calms you and focuses your energy. Exercising and writing help me regain control when I feel emotionally off kilter. These activities are healthy and make me feel better as opposed to dumping my frustrations on those around me, which feels destructive.

7. Banish blame. Laying blame on others leaves you powerless, while taking responsibility gives you control over your life. Whenever you find yourself unhappy with your life, ask yourself two questions: 1) "What did I do to create this?" and 2) "What can I do to get myself out of this?"

8. Follow passions, not emotions. Passions are deep, internal longings that reveal to us our life's purpose; emotions are surface barometers telling us how we feel at a particular moment. Passions are sustaining; emotions are fleeting. Passions prompt you to take action; emotions cause you to react. Hold tight to your passions and let them lead you through your life; let go of your emotions and let them wash over your life.

9. Recite a centering mantra. For some it is a verse from a religious text; for some it is quote by a great thinker; for some it is a sentence they write themselves. Wherever the words come from, find a saying that you can recite in your mind when you feel the Emotional Dump Truck revving up inside you.

Tips & Warnings

• Treat your body well. You will be more likely to act like an Emotional Dump Truck if you haven't had enough sleep, healthy food or exercise.

• Watch for gossip and judgments of others. Talking bad about people is a subtle, although equally destructive form of emotional dumping.

• Seek help if your rage is uncontrollable.

• Do not act in violence.