How to be assertive

The definition of assertive is: Inclined to bold or confident, self-assured.
Many people struggle with being assertive.

Difficulty:

Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• time and situations to practice new skills

1. Being assertive does not mean being aggressive, rude or self centered. A person who is assertive demonstrates the ability to stand up for their thoughts and feelings without being mean or without backing down out of fear. It is the middle ground between being passive and aggressive.

2. Language: Be tactful and respectful. Ex: "Do you have a moment to talk" or "I am sorry to interrupt".

3. Language: Use "I" statements. I feel or I think. This helps keep the focus on communication versus blaming. ex: "I feel angry when you..." versus "You make me angry!!".

4. Language: State what you want. Be direct and specific. Less is more.
   ex: " I would like to take next week off for vacation" vs. " I was thinking about taking a vacation".

5. Language: Know how to say no. If you do not want to do something or are unable to, it is ok to say no. Again be direct and specific. you do not have to explain in detail. ex. "I am sorry, I can not so that at this time"

6. Body language: Walk and sit with back straight. Hold head up. Look at people as they pass or talk.

7. Body language: Dress and groom confidently. Choose clothing, hair, make up, etc, that show you care about yourself.

8. Listening: Listen to what the other person is saying. Make sure they are finished and respond. You do not have to agree, but restate what you think they said to you. ex. "I understand your concern about ___, however I disagree" or "I understand what you are saying and agree with your fact on____, however----"

Tips & Warnings

• Being assertive takes practice to achieve as it is a balance between being passive and aggressive. Most people fluctuate between the two sides. Practice will help you to achieve the balance and be able to use in most to all situations.