How to Experience Total Forgiveness

To forgive means to cancel the emotional debt owed by an offender. It is a conscious decision to give up resentment, release the pain and reaction to the hurt, and let go of the right to retaliate. Total forgiveness ultimately benefits the forgiver more than the offender. Psychologists confirm that people who are unable to forgive report more stress in their lives, more illness, and more visits to the doctor than do people who practice forgiveness. To avoid these outcomes and respond correctly when forgiving others, take these six steps.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Willingness to cancel emotional debts owed by others
• Holy Bible

1. Tell yourself the truth about the offense. Be honest and acknowledge to yourself that you’ve been hurt. Refuse to play the victim or martyr to gain sympathy from those around you or to try to force the offender to own up to the offense.
2. Allow your feelings about the offense to surface. Admitting any hurt or shame helps to eliminate negative emotional energy and possible mental and physical damage caused by bitterness. Ask God to help empty the anger, resentment, and any feelings of vengeance and bitterness you have towards the offender--Proverbs 29:11. Stop holding the hurt inside, or waiting for feelings and emotions to go away.
3. Release the offender from all emotional debts. A great deal of the hurt and rejection you experience is unintentional. The seeming lack of concern by an offender is often not an attempt to be insensitive. But, even if an offense is intentional, refrain from enforcing your right to retaliate or punish--Matthew 18:35. Show forbearance and avoid taking any action you think is due. Spend time praying and following the Holy Spirit’s leading until you accept that the offender no longer owes you anything.
4. Look past your hurt to see God in the offender. This requires empathy--applying understanding, sympathy and compassion to the offender. You can’t do this on your own. The very thought of having empathy for someone who has wronged you can be a tough nut to crack. Only God can make the healing and restoration of damaged relationships possible. A practical and genuine demonstration of empathy is what God requires of you.
5. Forgive yourself. Understand and accept your identity in Christ. You have been totally forgiven. Allow the offense to help you mature spiritually. Become vulnerable and be willing to be hurt again and again. Extend forgiveness as many times as it takes--Matthew 18:21-22.
6. Seek reconciliation. Be ready to move beyond past feelings of pain in order to develop a mutual relationship with the offender--Philippians 3:13.

Tips & Warnings

• Forgiveness is never complete until a person has experienced the forgiveness of God, can forgive others, and is able to forgive herself or himself.
• Forgiveness may take time, may not come easily, and may involve a lengthy struggle. Because it involves a change in relationship between the offender and the offended, it needs to be worked at in order to achieve completeness. As a result, consistent application of these six steps will lead to total forgiveness.