How to Stop Fighting with a Girlfriend

If you find yourself in a tumultuous relationship full or bickering and fighting, don't despair. There are steps you can take to help get your rocky relationship with your girlfriend back on the road to peace and serenity. In this article you will find some of the most useful techniques for conflict resolution, as well as suggestions for when and how to use those techniques. While you may have to practice, with time you can learn how to see conflict as a way to strengthen the relationship, rather than a harmful force for destroying it.

Instructions

1. Practice reflective listening skills. Reflective listening simply means that you repeat back what your girlfriend is saying to you. As an example, suppose that your girlfriend is upset that you were late picking her up for dinner. Instead of defending yourself, offering excuses or, worse, attacking her back, simply reflect what she is saying back to her. Use a statement such as, "You seem upset that I was late" or "It sounds like you're worried that we'll miss the movie." Reflective listening involves listening, rather than sharing your own thoughts or viewpoints. It allows the speaker to feel as if she is being heard. It also opens the way for her to move away from the conflict.

2. Tackle problems with a "we" approach. In the heat of a conflict it may seem that this is a "you or me" situation, but try asking questions like "How can we work this out?" and "What can we do to solve this?"

3. Negotiate a solution. Don't take an all-or-nothing approach. One of the worst things you can do for the relationship is to have an attitude of "my way, or no way." Compromise on solutions to disagreements and problems. If she wants to go to the movies but you want to go to the ball park, suggest that you go to the movies one night, and the ball park another. Compromise lets her know that you see her needs and feelings as important.

4. Acknowledge her feelings. "I can see that you feel hurt" or "You sound disappointed" are statements that encourage further communication and let your girlfriend know that you understand what she is feeling. It's important to recognize that feelings are neither right or wrong, as well as to realize that everyone has a right to them.

5. Take time outs. If the conflict seems to be getting out of hand, it's fine to say "I need some space" or "Let's take some time right now. We can talk about this later." Allow her the right to her space as well. If she is feeling hurt or angry, it's best to allow her time to cool off before trying to work through the problem.

6. Consider your own behavior and be willing to examine how it affects your girlfriend and your relationship. Encourage her to do the same. Many times in relationships, people become preoccupied with how the other person is acting or reacting. If we focus on our partners more than ourselves, we are bound to miss the forest for the trees.

7. Decide if this is the right relationship for you. If you have tried all of the above techniques, yet nothing seems to help you and your girlfriend stop fighting, it may be time to consider ending the relationship. Remember that ending a relationship doesn't mean that you failed. Sometimes two people are just not compatible.

Tips & Warnings

• Talk about your needs with your girlfriend.

• Discuss both of your expectations for the relationship.

• Don't get violent in the heat of an argument. Violence is never acceptable, in any form. If your relationship with your girlfriend has escalated to violence, it's time to move on. Violent relationships get worse over time, not better.