How to Relate to an Angry and Frustrated Child with Behavioral Disorders

If you work with or love an angry and frustrated child, you already know how difficult it can be to relate to them on a personal level and establish rapport with them. The key here is to find a common interest that goes beyond the scope of your relationship so that it is not part of the behavioral issues the child faces and you must contend with. Finding even one safe topic to fall back on can make the difference in your relationship with the child and can become a tool for eliciting appropriate behavior.

Instructions

1. Get to know the child and his interests. Take the time to talk to the parents, if you are the child's worker or teacher. You can often discover hidden talents and interests when you least expect it.

2. Observe the child carefully to discover hidden interests. What books does he choose? The topics of these books should give you an idea of his likes and dislikes. What does he draw in his artwork? Look for hidden clues that he may not be ready or willing to verbalize.

3. Set aside at least five minutes everyday to talk to this child about the things that interest him. This is a time that should be free of other demands. It is not a time for correcting behavior or lecturing about the consequences of past behavior. This time needs to be a time for sharing common interests on a light and friendly basis. Consistently spending five minutes a day with the child can work wonders. Although it may be difficult, at first, don't give up. When the child sees that you are going to hang in there with him, it is likely that his behavior will gradually change.

4. Take the time to look into his interests. If he is a sports fan, learn a little about his favorite sport so that you can hold a conversation with him on this topic. If he is into dinosaurs, keep your eyes open for new books or small trinkets that are about dinosaurs. If you are the child's teacher, keep his interests in mind when designing lesson plans. There is nothing wrong with designing a lesson that you know will take his interest.

5. Refuse to get into power struggles. If you must monitor and correct behavior, do so consistently and firmly without judging the child. State your expectations clearly and expect him to meet them. Use caution here. If your expectations are so high that he can not meet them, you are both headed for trouble. Be sure your expectations are in line with his ability.

6. Provide time for the child to comply with requests. Many adults over-react and assume the child is not complying when in reality he is still processing the request. If the child has a processing disorder, allowing the extra time may be all that's needed for compliance.

7. Refrain from being confrontational. It will only create a bigger issue. Provide the child with reasonable options. Many difficult children will respond when they believe they have options and have a degree of control over their lives.

8. Separate the child from his behavior. Although it is fine, and even necessary, to let the child know you dislike his behavior, it is vital that the child knows that you like him for who he is.

9. Enjoy the positive traits of the child and always remember that the child's difficult behavior is not personal. He really doesn't hate you and isn't out to get you. He is angry and frustrated and you just happen to be the person he is taking it out on.