How to Find Rules On Wedding Etiquette

Weddings and wedding etiquette are different than they used to be. There once was a prescribed script that all bridal parties and guests followed. There were subtle differences depending on the time of day of the wedding. There were certainly differences if the wedding was in a church or a synagogue, but much more was the same than different. These days people get married on beaches, in woods and at circuses, even at Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Couples write their own vows, use more than one officiant, have a best woman instead of a best man and bridesmen instead of bridesmaids. Rituals have changed, celebrants have changed and etiquette has changed.

Instructions

1. Wear white or black to a wedding now if you wish. Don't make the white look bridal or the black look funereal. Consider the time of day and the any rules of attire specified by religion, but wear what is proper for you.

2. You don't need to give linens, dishes and silver only anymore. Most couples already have established households, so use a registry. You can use the registry or not. It's up to you.

3. Who pays for the wedding? The cost of today's weddings is usually shared by all involved. Budgets must be discussed ahead of time so spending is kept in check.

4. Anyone can host a shower these days. The mother or sister of the bride can throw a shower for the bride.

5. RSVP immediately. It is important. The couple is holding your spot. If you are not going to use it, you must let them know.

6. If your name is on the invitation envelope, you are invited. If it is not on there, you are not invited. If your child's name does not appear on the envelope, your child is not invited.

7. Changing your RSVP is not acceptable. There are two excuses, however, if you find you cannot attend the wedding. If there is a death in your family or if you are taken suddenly ill, call the bride or groom and apologize.

8. How many showers for the same bride must you go to? Pick one, two or three, but buy only what gifts you can afford.

9. Eat what is served at the reception or eat before you attend. If you are a vegetarian or vegan or are on some other special diet, do not ask for a special meal. Make do with what is served.

10. You received no thank you note for the gift you send mailed months ago. It is okay to ask politely. It is possible the gift never arrived. Ask if it arrived.

11. Greet with grace. You must go through the receiving line. Say congratulations to the groom and best wishes to the bride. Tell them what a beautiful wedding it was and make sure the line moves along smoothly.

12. Enjoy the reception. Send your gift ahead of time so the couple does not have to take it with them.