How to Support a Domestic Abuse Victim

In the role of a Domestic Abuse Advocate and in Crisis management, I heard countless times how the support of family and friends was not perceived by the victim to be present. Here are some methods to convey your support to the victim at a time when it is most needed.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• patience
• understanding

1. Pay attention. An individual in a situation will usually give out test statements to determine safety level. Don't question or insist on more information than individual is willing to divulge. Be supportive by providing a safe person to talk to. Don't offer advice. Every situation is different and the individual is the best expert on their unique circumstances.

2. Do not judge. Once again-Each situation is unique. No person can fully understand the situation unless they own the situation. Many times an abuser will isolate the victim from their support system. Per personal comfort level, be a source of support by listening. When a person judges the situation the victim may react by pulling back which may intensify the psychological hold a perpetrator has.

3. Don't place self in danger. Never confront an abuser. The result is unpredictable. The perpetrator may not take action at the time, however the ramifications to the victim may be great. The best support is listening.

4. Remember the victim has a relationship with the perpetrator. In my opinion, the process of healing on the outside is passing where as the psychological and emotional statements are lasting. Statements are replayed and continually wear on the self esteem. Assist the victim in feeling valued. Understand the process is long and backward steps are common. However, each attempt with support being continued, brings the individual closer to freedom.

5. Allow the individual to make decisions for self. Listen to the individual and mirror statements. In example, "I burned the cookies last night, I knew it was going to be bad." A mirror statement would be, "sounds like you expected the worst." These statements are not judgmental, but allow the individual to feel supported and gives freedom to continue the conversation.

6. The outcome of each situation is different. Know that hind sight is twenty/twenty and we do the best we can with what we have. In listening you are providing a gift more fine than any amount of money or jewels.

[humblejourney]

on 8/28/2008 A great article on an important topic! Thank you!

[texaspeach63]

on 8/12/2008 Great Article!!!

[wytetyger059]

on 8/12/2008 Great article. I have know several people in an abusive situation and once had to step between a friend and her husband because he was kicking her in the head. Luckily, I had the backup of most of his family and about 20 friends on the corner of my street. He thought he had the upper hand. Turned out I did, and with God's help we got her away from him.

[sunnflr]

on 8/9/2008 Very good article. I know I wouldn't know how to support someone in this situation. A lot of people think they should just leave, they don't understand that isn't as easy as it sounds sometimes.