How to Rebuild and Maintain a Friendship With an Ex

Sometimes when a relationship doesn't work out you still don't want to lose the friendship that you formed between you. There is usually no reason that you cannot be friends after a break-up.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Understanding
• Open Mind
• An Understanding Partner (if in a new relationship)

1. After the break-up, give them, as well as yourself, a little time to mend. This can take some time. The pain of a break-up can last quite awhile or you may find that you get over it quickly. If it has been a long time and you still hurt, you can still try to rebuild the friendship. You may find that the pain you feel is from the loss of the FRIENDSHIP, not the romantic relationship.
2. Approach them in a friendly manner and suggest that you rebuild the friendship you once had, but be clear that this is not a romantic relationship. Let them know how much their friendship means to you.
3. Rebuild slowly with casual emails or text messages to say hello and ask how they are doing. Slowly develop more conversation and ask about their job, family, and hobbies. Show interest in their life.. and show compassion.
4. Invite them out with a group of friends to have a fun night out. Keep it casual and have a great time. If you are both in new relationships, invite their new partner out with you and yours.. as long as there has been enough mending time and there are no lingering jealous feelings.

Tips & Warnings

• Do not flaunt a new relationship in the ex's face. This only causes them more heartache and strains the friendship. While not lying or hiding the new relationship from them, do not bring it up in conversation until they are ready to hear about it. This can take awhile.
• Be understanding if they need time to get over the break-up. Just because they are not ready to be chummy, does NOT mean that they wont be your friend. Losing a love is like dealing with a death sometimes and it takes time to mend.
• Be there to listen to them when they need a friend. If they can't talk to you about how they are feeling, how are you being a real friend?
• Make sure that your new partner knows that you only want to be friends with the ex and are not trying to get back together with them.
• Make sure that THEIR new partner realizes that you are not trying to steal them away. If they feel threatened by you, I guarantee that your ex wont be your friend for long. You MUST show that you are sincere in JUST wanting the friendship and nothing more.
• DO NOT bring up stories about when you were a couple. It causes pain and can make their new partner, as well as your own, to feel very uncomfortable and that you are dwelling on the past. It is okay to have the memories and think about them, just don't bring them up.
• DO NOT meet up alone. This is too awkward and is probably not really a good idea for some time. It can cause confusion as to what kind of relationship you want with the person.
• DO NOT have pictures of you and a current boyfriend/girlfriend where the ex can see them. This will hurt them and you don't want to hurt your friend, do you?