How to Deal With Crisis-Magnet People

Do you have family or friends who have one crisis after another no matter how many times you bail them out? Read on to learn how to deal with crisis-driven people who are part of your life.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Friend, family or associate who has successive crises
• Caller ID
• Mental or physical log to document behavior patterns
• Paper and writing instrument to document strategies
• Time to practice strategies

1. You are likely reading this article because you have identified a crisis person. If not, you must first identify a (CP) crisis person (if you so desire).

2. Recognize that you are not the crisis person's (CP) solution.

3. The next time your crisis person (CP) is having a dilemma, note the date on the calendar. On the date the crisis is resolved, take note of how it was resolved and the length of time it took for it to be resolved. Following this, note the date the subsequent crisis occurs. This will usually reflect the time period of the CP's cycle of dilemmas.

4. Develop a list of guidelines that will assist you when the CP calls. Practice them until you are able to verbalize them when you are with the CP (or receive a call). Here are some statements to consider: 1) The CP's problem(s) can be resolved by the CP. 2) Practice stating, "I will have to call you back in about 30 minutes when I finish handling another crisis." (which would be maintaining your sanity) 3) I will ask the CP how they are going to resolve the issue. 4) I will ensure that I will not solve the CP's problem(s). 5) I will not give in to the CP's anger at me for not resolving his/her crises. 6) I will not contribute money to the CP because that will keep the CP in his/her cycles of ongoing crises. 7) I will use caller id to screen out unnecessary drama from the CP.

5. Determine specific times that you are available to communicate with the crisis person (CP). Do not allow the CP to encroach on time that you have not allotted to share their crisis. (For example, if your caller id shows a call at 1:30AM from the CP, do not answer the call.)

6. Do not feel guilty about not solving your CP's problem. Your CP's mother and/or father raised him/her. It's the CP's turn to take on responsibility for his/her life.

7. Take up a hobby that will help you concentrate on your interests instead of waiting on your CP's crisis to fill your time. Learning to play an instrument, making pottery, learning to scuba dive, etc., will help you focus your mind, money, and time away from the needs of the CP.

Tips & Warnings

• Caller Id is very useful for answering calls when it is convenient for you, not the CP.
• Crisis People often will want you at their beck and call. Remember that if they are really in trouble, the police or hospital will call (and that will show up in the caller ID) as well as the police will come to your residence for notifications.
• You do not have to answer the door, answer the phone, or answer emails (or other communications). The choice is yours.
• Your time is your time and you do not have to dedicate it to solving other people's problems.
• You are special and you deserve to remove stress from your life.
• Realize that some people are not prepared to live life and they need people to participate in their pity parties. Until you stop pity-partying with them, they will not stop inviting crisis into their lives.
• You will have more energy and creativity when you are not bogged down with the weight another person should be carrying.
• You can let a person know that you understand without agreeing.
• People often become angry when you stop participating in their crisis pity parties. They will try and coerce you back into the role of solving their problems.
• Your Crisis Person may withdraw from you but when he/she returns to the relationship with you, it will be healthier (if you keep your boundaries set).

[AudreyBrown]

on 9/29/2008 LOVE this article! Wonderful insights.

[DreamLiving]

on 9/1/2008 NewB, usually CP's don't reveal their true selves and the drame they bring. Prevention is always good.

[newbeginnings08]

on 9/1/2008 Thank you so very much for the great information. Things are going so well in my life until I want to be aware of CP'S. Excellent tips.

[Susanh]

on 8/23/2008 Yes, there are people who are CP for sure. Good tips and thoughts in this article.

[Ladybugblue]

on 8/13/2008 I needed to read this one!