How to Negotiate With Parents

No matter how old we get, our parents often think of us as children and only on occasion consider us equals. If you live at home, this is especially true. Use these tips to try to negotiate with parents when you disagree.

Instructions

1. Prioritize what you want and negotiate with your parents accordingly. Rather than bombarding your parents with demands over small things, think of what matters most to you—be it a change of curfew or attendance to a special event.

2. Listen carefully to what your parents have to say without interruption before you try to negotiate. Use active listening to understand their points, and provide cues that show you hear what is being said. Repeat the bottom line, including their reasoning. For example, say: “I understand that you want me to be home at 10 p.m. because you're concerned about my safety.” This ensures that you understand their position and may provide an opportunity to address their concerns.

3. Negotiate with your parents by asking them what would make them feel more comfortable to do things your way. If there seems to be no alternative, you can offer your own suggestions. For an extended curfew, an example may be to call home at a certain time.

4. Show rather than tell that you are responsible and dependable prior to negotiating with parents for drastic changes. Consider whether you need to work on your grades, punctuality or cleaning your room, for instance. Parents often evaluate overall performance and behaviors when making decisions. If trust is an issue, try to negotiate with parents on small changes first and develop a track record of dependability.

5. Reconsider your demands to be sure they are reasonable. Determine if there may be other reasons for denying your request. It may be that it is time to get a part-time job or spend more quality time with the family before a request is granted.

6. Select a good time to talk with your parents. Try to negotiate with parents when they are not excessively busy, overworked or appear to have other major concerns on their mind. If this is difficult, aim for a time when they seem most content and relaxed, such as during or after dinner.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid comparing yourself to your friends and their parents, as this tactic usually fails. Additionally, it is easy for parents to dispute the request without explaining their reasoning.

• Respond to your parents respectfully when you disagree. You may not get your way this time, but arguments will only hurt your chances for future negotiations.

• Learn when it it time to accept the decision, and try to improve your chances the next time you wish to negotiate.