How to Live With a Control Freak

The control freak--the person in your life who has to have everything done her way. She may make you feel inadequate, but know that it's not you; it's her. Control freaks are terrified of losing control, so they seek to dictate everything in their lives, including you. It's hard to live with someone like this, but it is possible.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Recognize that the control freak is riddled with anxiety. Deep down, she knows she can't control the future so she tries to control the people in her life, thinking she can create a sense of safety.

2. Tell the person how you feel. In many cases, the controlling person doesn't realize he's doing this until he hits bottom, at which point everyone in his life is telling him how frustrated they are with him. Some people need to hit rock bottom to facilitate a change in themselves, but having someone who loves them tell them gently and honestly how they feel can make them see the light before this happens.

3. Stay calm and be patient if the control freak unleashes a verbal attack on you. Many times, the controller is picking a fight and trying to get a rise out of you. Giving in to the fight is only enabling her controlling side to win. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and sooner or later, she will realize that she was wrong.

4. Divide up household duties. The control freak is notorious for taking on too much responsibility, so taking on some of the chores yourself relinquishes him from overloading himself. Make a rule that the controller cannot redo the chores you did and cannot criticize the way you did them.

5. Ask the person to do something for you. Having to meet your requests will help her stop thinking about herself and consider your needs. Gradually make more and more requests until she eases up on making demands of you.

6. Avoid the person if it gets to the point where he is bringing you down. This might cause a major panic in the person at first (paranoia usually accompanies controlling behavior) but it may make him realize that he is pushing you away. When he comes to you to discuss it, be kind and supportive.

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[edieness]

on 6/14/2009 Pretty cool article. I searched for this one. You see their is a control freak in my life that is out of control and I was looking for ways to help her get back down to size. This helped. It is the closest I have found to what I was looking for. Thanks.