How to Intervene on Behalf of a Bullied Child
In many instances suicide by children, and school violence, has been directly linked to bullying. Feeling hopeless and abandoned by teachers, peers, and principals who either ignore what is going on or who refuse to take the bullying seriously and therefore choosing not to intervene, these children and teens strike back with often deadly violence which forces others to pay attention. In the end the bullied student(s) either spend the rest of their lives in prison or also end up dead by their own hand or at the hands of police. Everyone loses. There are steps that can be taken to hopefully prevent this kind of tragedy.
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Instructions
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If your child, no matter what their age, begins to try and find any reason at all not to attend school, begin to skip school regularly, withdraws, become depressed, drops out of or refuses to be involved in school sports or other extracurricular activities, or exhibits other unusual behaviors they may be a victim of bullying.
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Do not put the changes in your child down to puberty, not being extroverted enough, etc. Talk to your child daily, show an interest in what is going on in their lives including school. Ask your child outright, if you notice sudden changes in behavior or character, if something is going on in school with other students, a teacher, etc. Let your child know that you are aware that something must be happening to them because of the changes in them that you have noticed.
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Let your child know that you are always available to listen to any issues they may have and that you need to know if they are being bullied or picked on.
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If you find out your child is being bullied, find out who is bullying them. Other children are not always the bully. There have been teachers, coaches, and other school staff who have been known to bully children whether the bullying is to try and get the child to be tougher, more aggressive in sports, and to quit acting like ' a baby'.
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After ascertaining who is bullying your child, and in what way, make an appointment to meet with the vice principal/principal, school counselor, and the teacher(s) together privately after school or at lunch when the chances of a large group of other students finding out about the meeting are much slimmer. Let the group know how your child is being bullied, who is doing the bullying, what time or times during the day the bullying is taking place, and where the bullying is taking place.
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Ask the counselor and principal to meet with the student doing the bullying to try and find out what their reasons are for tormenting your child. Let them know if the bullying persists you will insist on a meeting with the bully's parent(s) or guardians.
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Let school staff know that you will also hold them accountable if they do not intervene or take steps to make sure that the bully will not pursue further aggression of any kind against your child. Ask them to try and become more aware of what is going on in the school.
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Get the bully's home phone number and contact their parent(s) or guardian and let them know what it going on. Ask them to talk to, or work with, their child to get them to quit acting aggressively against your child and other children whether that is through setting consequences, therapy, etc. (You want to speak with them by phone if possible so that you do not run a risk of have an act of aggression against you in case the bully's parent(s) or guardian is the reason for their behavior).
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Ask the school to develop a policy against bullying that includes encouraging other students to immediately report incidents of bullying if they see your child, or any other child, being bullied to a or principal.
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Also ask the school principal or the the school superintendent to have a speaker come to area schools to talk about bullying and the violence and suicide that can result from years of being bullied and tormented. If there are other adults, or even older children, in the community who were bullied in school, ask the school district to bring them in to talk to students about the effect bullying had on them.
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Encourage your child to report bullying to a teacher or principal. Unfortunately, this is a step that most bullied children will not take because they do not want to be perceived as a tattle tale, wuss, or baby by the bully or the bully's friends as this could lead to even worse aggression against them.
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Ask the school staff to be discreet when talking to your child or when bringing in the bully for any future acts of aggression. Ask them to avoid letting the bully know if your child is the one who reported them. Ask the school to simply state that the act of aggression has been brought to their attention by 'another student'. This generic statement will probably not be linked back to your child.
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Give very serious consideration to getting your child private counseling or into therapy so that a trained professional can work with them individually on overcoming their negative and depressing feelings as well as for self esteem building and how to respond when they are bullied. A trained professional can also work with your child on how to not look like a victim.
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If, at any time during the day, evening, or night, you should become concerned that your child's depression has deepened or that they may be contemplating suicide or violence against the bully, immediately contact the after hours crisis hot line through the local or area mental health center or take your child to the local hospital and have them placed on the psychiatric ward for evaluation and protection.
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Let other family members and your child's friends know to contact you immediately if your child should ever indicate they are considering suicide or hurting the bully that they should immediately contact you, their parents, a school counselor or teacher, minister, etc. and let them know. Tell your child's friends not to assume your child is only upset and would never do anything.
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Make sure you take the time regularly to visit with your child in their room. Pay attention to things hung on walls, books they are reading, music they are listening to, video games in their possession, etc. that may indicate a negative state of mind.
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By working with your child, the school, your child's friends and peers or others they are in close contact with, you can help secure your child's future and life, and the the future and life of others.
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