How to Parent Using Gentle Discipline Techniques

Raising children can be difficult at times and parents need effective methods to deal with discipline issues. Gentle discipline involves respect and empathy in your parenting choices. Children who are raised and disciplined in a loving way are happier, more connected and better behaved. Follow these techniques to discover gentle and effective techniques to discipline your child. You'll be glad you did.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience
• Commitment
• Love

1. Make mutual respect your goal. Respect for your child fosters a mutually loving and trusting relationship.

2. Have empathy. Respect your child's emotions and teach them to respect others. Encourage discussion by asking how she thinks her actions and choices make other people feel.

3. Recognize ages and stages. Understand developmental stages and why children behave the way they do. For example, you can't expect a 2-year-old to understand logic and reason. Understand their age abilities and discipline at their level.

4. Talk. Time in, not time out. When children misbehave, they are communicating something. Rather than send your child away from you, pull her closer and calmly talk to her about what she's feeling. This often clears up misbehavior issues--you'll learn why she made the behavior choice and what can be done to remedy it.

5. Be consistent. Children need consistency in the messages they get from their parents. Follow through on your message every time.

6. Anticipate and prevent. Know your child's triggers and manage around them appropriately. For example, if you know your child is cranky at a certain time of day, try to avoid going out at the time, feed him before going to the grocery store to avoid whining.

7. Give choices, but limit them. Making choices allows the child to feel empowered and results in a more cooperative child. Limit choices to things you find acceptable, like offering them a choice of two things to eat for breakfast (and that you're willing to prepare).

8. Emphasize natural consequences to their actions. There are consequences to a child's choices such as "If you take that toy from your brother, then you won't be allowed to play in the toy room." Health and safety issues are never compromised on because your child's well-being is too important for you to allow him to jeopardize himself or others.

9. Stress that it is the child's behavior choice that you don't like, not the child. Children are sensitive and may feel that you don't like them, so emphasize that it is their behavior that you don't like.

10. Praise. Catch your child doing something right instead of just criticizing when they do something wrong. This makes for a more balanced approached in parenting and discipline.

Tips & Warnings

• Be kind to yourself. No parent gets it right every time. Sometimes we lose our cool, but try to keep anger out of your relationship with your child. Keep trying to incorporate gentle discipline techniques and you'll find that you and your child are both happier, better connected and better behaved.
• Sometimes parents get angry, but it's never acceptable to abuse a child. Instead of hitting, or yelling at a child, take a few minutes to cool down, then talk to your child about his behavior choices. Remember, you're the grown-up, so act like one.

Resources

• Dr. Sears' discipline advice
• Adventures in Gentle Discipline book

[sherimathison]

on 12/28/2008 This is a great article! But in my experience, and I have 8 years of directing a childcare facility specializing in troubled kids, these techniques wouldn't work. This is a great foundation though, for those particular kids, to build upon. Great article!