How to Challenge a Timid Child

A man who decidedly picks a rattlesnake up by the tail is a fool. The man who fails to spring into an action when a rattlesnake has cornered his child is a coward. How then do we raise up our children to be men and women who are neither fools nor cowards? How do we challenge a timid child to stand up when it counts to do so? Here are some things to consider if you have a child that is afraid to try new things.

Instructions

1. The first thing to remember as a parent of a timid child is that timidity is neither your fault nor a fault. In fact, fear of taking on unfamiliar things speaks of an instinctive wisdom. Children who are timid are prone to look before they leap, and that is a good thing. It doesn’t matter if Johnny Daredevil can do a triple twist cannon ball off of the super high dive into a cup of water at the age of three. Your child is smart to respect the power of a world that is bigger than him or her. The world cannot function if it is full of only leaders and innovators. Allow your child to be who they are. To raise a wise person is far more valuable than a fearless one. Choose your battles.

2. Understand that there are some basic skills that benefit a child, but which are often difficult or scary to learn. For example, many children have a natural fear of swimming. The change of control in water versus land can be quite intimidating. Your child may never love the water, but it is important to choose basic water survival skills for your child. Some have simply thrown their child in the deep end. That approach does not come recommended. Instead, go swimming, have fun doing so, and wait for your timid child to express an interest in joining the fun. Once they do, suggest, but don’t push that they proceed past the top step. When they see that the top step is safe, likely they will choose to drop down one more step. Not satisfied with the fun they are having versus the fun others are having in the water, they may choose to join in. Timidity comes from a lack of security. Your security is not enough to convince them of their own security. You are bigger and stronger, and frankly you are your child’s first encounter with God. Reasoning with fear will get you nowhere. Instead of pushing, go about your business and wait for them to decide to be a part of the activity.

3. When your child does take the initiative to join in on the activity that scares them, praise them for the steps they take. Don’t even mention the steps they didn’t take. You don’t want to make them feel as if they didn’t perform well enough. “Mommy, look at me” should be greeted with praise, acceptance and the same joy your child has in having accomplished part of a goal. Celebrate it with them, for each step on a ladder is a means of getting to the top.

4. Another method of helping your timid child to be more confident in trying new challenges is to, upon deciding a challenge, place the child in social settings where other children, the size or age of your child are engaging in that which makes your child fearful. Peer pressure can be a dangerous thing for kids, but supervised peer collaboration can bring about a willingness in your timid child to try the things that are important to try. Furthermore, your child’s timidity might be something little Johnny Daredevil will remember before he chooses to light his hula hoop on fire. Leaders need good role models too, and as such, placing timid children and rambunctious children together can be beneficial for challenging your timid child.

5. Choose your battles. It’s not very important that your child gain comfort walking across rope bridges, but fear of driving over bridges is something that a child simply needs to get over. Choosing your battles is especially difficult if you happen to have been a Johnny Daredevil. Remember, if you are a leader or an innovator, you would not be where you are without those who stand back to offer you perspective. Your child was created for a special purpose, and that purpose is not found in mimicry. When pushing your child to try something new, separate the important from the frivolous. Think in terms of life skills versus the goal of making your child cool. Resist the urge to raise children that feed your ego.

6. The most important thing to remember is that your child’s interests are the path of least resistance. Those things that interest your child of their own volition will always have elements of challenge that you can use to push your timid child. Follow their feet and push them to move at their own pace through mastery over those subjects that they want to master. Let them discover what they enjoy and go that way. Remember always that their interests may or may not be yours and that’s OK.