How to Remain Friends With Exes

Occasionally two people who genuinely loved one another realize they simply cannot make a romantic relationship work. Relationships begin with a flurry of hope and anticipation, but sometimes end in disillusionment and sorrow. Does the friendship have to end simply because the love affair didn't materialize as planned? No, but transitioning from romantic love to platonic friendship takes time and patience to achieve. You can be friends with your ex.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A level head
• A forgiving heart
• Patience through the transition

Avoid the Blame Game

1. Break up gently with an eye on the future.At the end of any romantic relationship, there are invariably hard feelings. Someone got hurt, someone is angry; but if you want to maintain a friendship with your ex, it's best just to say "This isn't going to work." Tearing down your former beloved and tossing blame for everything that went wrong in your relationship is pointless. They are most likely aware of the things they did to hurt and disappoint you. Instead, make a simple but firm pronouncement - "I care about you, but I realize this is not going to work. I am sorry to hurt you, but I have to end this relationship."
2. Hugs always help. The first time you see your ex after the break up, hug them. It sounds simplistic, but this one gesture sets the tone for the future. If you react as though you are glad to see them and aren't standoffish or uncomfortable in their presence, you ex will realize that running into you isn't going to be a nightmare. That act of kindness can erase fears and possibly pave the way back to friendship. Showing warmth allows your ex to see that although you can't commit to a romantic relationship with them, you don't hate them and still value their company.
3. It's hard to wait, but you must. Give it time.You can't expect to break up with someone one day, then call them the next day to go see a movie. Your ex may still be reeling from your choice, and will see any attempt at contact as hope your decision may change. Let a few months pass, and then call them to test the waters. Mention a place they like to eat, or a movie they'd enjoy and see how they respond. If you are in a new relationship, mention it so they will understand this isn't about getting back together. Perhaps they are seeing someone new, too - tell them you are happy for them and mean it. Open the doors of communication and let your ex know you'd enjoy getting together sometime and leave it in your their hands.
4. Be gracious.If and when your ex calls, express your happiness to hear from them. If you had a certain topic you always agreed on, bring it up - "I've really missed talking to you about politics." The first time you try talking as friends may prove awkward, but once the two of you settle into new roles with one another, it will come easier. Eventually, the friendship flows so naturally, you barely remember the romance.

Tips & Warnings

• Focus on what you have in common and stick to those topics.
• Be encouraging and supportive of your exes new life choices.
• Don't bring up old fights and differences, your ex will get tired of hearing about it.
• Don't get jealous when your ex meets someone new or remarries, be genuinely happy they found someone that makes them happy.
• Don't get sucked into a conversation about what went wrong in the past, insist that you keep the friendship in the here and now.
• Don't spend so much time talking to an ex that your current relationship suffers.