How To Do Just About Everything
By april ort
How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship
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Many people who have no experience dealing with an abusive partner often wonder what makes the victims stay so long. There are many answers to that question, but unless you’ve been through it, you may not understand the psychology involved. This article will give you tips on how to prepare to leave an abusive relationship.
The abuser is often very charming in the beginning. It may be several months or even years before the abuser displays any violent behavior. By this time, the victim may already be in love with, dependent upon, or deathly afraid of their partner. 
The first thing you need to do, if you are in an abusive relationship, is to have a plan of escape.
If you have children, it is even more detrimental that you remove them from danger. If you have a friend or relative that would be willing to keep your children for a short period of time while you put your plan into action, that would be best. However, that is not always an option. If your children are in danger keep them away from your partner and get them somewhere safe, immediately.
It may be hard to save money without your partner knowing but this is important in having security and assuring that your escape is a successful one. When your partner is at work or away, do whatever you can to make some extra cash: babysit, clean house, have a garage sale, pawn anything of value.
Keep any cash in a safe place where your partner will NOT find it. You might want to get a safe deposit box or open up a bank account without your partner knowing.
Decide on a date when you will leave and do not change it under any circumstance. This will help you work diligently towards your goal. You will be able to see light at the end of the tunnel. You will gain confidence and realize that you have options other than staying in the midst of abuse.
Try not to do anything in front of your partner that may cause them to become suspicious. Carry on as usual so that he will be unsuspecting.
Choose a time of your escape when you know your partner will be gone. If you do not have a car, buy a bus ticket or take a cab. Arrange a ride in advance so you are not scrambling and vulnerable when the time to leave comes.
If you don’t know where to go, check your phonebook for battered women’s shelters in your community. They can often provide a safe shelter during transition time until you can get on your feet.
Many churches also offer help to women in abusive relationships. There are many people willing to help, you just have to humble yourself to ask.
Once you have committed to leaving, do not change your mind. If your partner senses an increased self esteem or feels like you are becoming too independent they might may pour on some sweetness until you are worn down again.
Gather up important items and papers such as social security cards, birth certificates, keys, medications, school documents. Put them together in a container and keep them at a neighbor, friend or relative’ s house where you can retrieve them once you escape.
Memorize important phone numbers such as police, shelters, neighbors, friends, and relatives, that you can call in an emergency.
Purchase or borrow a cheap cell phone. Keep it in a safe but accessible place in your house where you can get to it easily in an emergency. Turn the ringer off so that your partner will not be alerted that there is a phone.
It is important to follow through on your escape. If you back down, simply finding out about your plan will likely enrage your partner and could cause you great harm.
The most important thing to remember is that you are NOT alone. People DO care. You DON’T deserve to be treated this way. You CAN and WILL have a better life away from your abuser.
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