How to Be an Advocate for Your Elderly Parents
When your elderly parents are ill, you'll need to find your inner strength and learn to meet the challenges along the way. Being their advocate is one important role you will take on.
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Instructions
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Confront the geography. If you live in the same area as your ailing parents, consider yourself fortunate. If not, try to move near them, or have them move near you. While many elderly people are dedicated to remaining in their homes, it isn't always possible. Consider all the options, and hear your parents' opinions.
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Be ready to travel. If you need to travel a distance to see about your ailing parent often, keep a small suitcase packed with essentials, in case you have to leave suddenly.
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Go with your ailing parent to doctors' appointments whenever you can. Go into the doctor's examining room with your parent to make sure that the doctor is aware of the facts. Your parent may downplay what is wrong, or focus on one thing and not the whole picture. Take a list of your questions for the physician or clinician. Also take a list of medicines your parent is taking. If you have concerns about the medicines, don't be afraid to ask.
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Stand up for your loved one. You might encounter professionals who are resistant to your questions and concerns; some might even be incompetent. You might not like confrontation, but the truth is, your parent's life is at stake.
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Be vocal: The squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you can't get what you want from one care-giver or physician, find another. Be strong.
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Find support. Talk to your spouse, siblings and friends. If things get too bad, go online and look for caregiver support groups. Many are going through the same emotionally wrenching problems.
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Go over your parent's health insurance benefits carefully. If you are unclear on something, call the insurance company and talk to someone there until you understand. Make sure your parents have excellent medical care when the need arises.
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If your parent is hospitalized, be with them as much as you can; have a trusted person be there when you can't. If your parent has a weak immune system, make sure all the caregivers wash their hands. Patients' lives depend on it.
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Seek help for special needs. If your parent needs a wheelchair or other device and you can't afford one, resources are available. Contact veterans' associations, or sororities, fraternities or community organizations your parent might have been a member of.
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Make sure your parent is eating properly. If you live out of town, call your parent's church. Members of the congregation are often willing to call on your ailing parent with a meal and a chat. See if there is a Meal on Wheels program. Find a local grocery that delivers.
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Check on your parent's medicines. Many elderly people continue to take medication long after they really need to. Check all the prescription bottles and if there are several prescriptions from different doctors. Call the physician you trust most, or call a pharmacist and ask if he has time to counsel you. Take the medicines with you to the pharmacy or to the doctor's office and ask questions. Some of the medicines may be redundant. Some may not react well together.
Buy a pill box that has easy to read days of the week, put all of your parent's medicines in the appropriate boxes and instruct them when to take the medicines. Then check back to make sure your parent is taking the medicine properly. -
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Know the caregivers. If you have people who care for your elderly parent when you are not there, get to know them. Make sure they have your parent's best interest at heart.
If your parent has church friends, let them know your parent is ailing. Talk to the preacher or priest and let them know your parent is alone and needs visitors. -
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Take care of yourself, too. Your body will be affected by the stress. Eat properly, take vitamins and exercise. Schedule time to do something you enjoy, and don't skip those occasions unless it's an emergency. You need to stay strong to help your ailing parents through these years.
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Tips & Warnings
Talk to friends; you never know who might have help to offer.
Don't be afraid to stand up to caregivers, physicians and other clinicians.
Be courteous when you can, but if you have to be confrontational, do so in a calm and assertive manner.
Talk to other family members about how they can do their part to care for your parent.
References
- Photo Credit D. Anschutz/Photodisc/Getty Images
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Comments
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KHarper
Jul 28, 2008
Kudos to you Rozzy. Your father is very lucky to have you. I know it's not easy on you or your husband, but I hope you can keep moving forward with your dad. There are resources available to you that will help you with your dad's care. Like I said in my article, if you need something and can't afford it, like a wheel chair or whatever, contact the police department where he worked, contact Veterans Groups if he was a veteran. And don't give up. But also take good care of yourself. It's important. It's also easy to forget. Which is why I'm reminding you. Also look for support groups for caregivers because sometimes it's just enough to know that other people are experiencing what you are. My heart goes out to you and your dad. -
Rozzy45
Jul 27, 2008
After losing my dearest mom in April 2007 and my dad losing the love of his life I decided to move in and care for my daddy. He suffered a massive stroke 6 days after moms funeral. My parents would have celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary in October. I was blessed with a husband who would agree to move in with my father who is 89-years-old and living in the final stages of Alzheimers. I was also blessed because my dad is very easy to work with. He was meek and humble as a police sergeant in Houston, Texas and today he is meek and humble as my father/son I feel like his mom and so proud of his will to live with Alzheimers. Dad does not know who I am but he knows I am someone who gives him love, keeps him clean and keeps him eating regularly. I even get him to exercise with me. When dad should be slowing down, he is instead gaining strength and seems to be coming to life again.
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momofour
Jul 25, 2008
Excellent article. Lots of important information that many don't think about.
