Things You'll Need:
- Honesty with yourself
- Willingness to walk away from an unhealthy relationship
- Willingness to commit to a healthy one
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Step 1
Do you and Mr Right have similar goals? Where do you both want to be in five years? In ten? If you are going different directions, better to know now! Don't secretly expect your partner to change later, because there are no guarantees, and the stakes are too high for such a serious gamble. Are you are considering giving up a huge dream to be with this person? Make sure it's worth it. You don't want to regret your choice later. It's unfair to blame or resent your partner for your own choice, and destroy your relationship.
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Step 2
Does your date have a healthy respect for authority (parents, boss, etc.)? Inability to heed wisdom from authority figures is a huge indication of immaturity. This person will have to suffer many painful mistakes and learn the hard way.
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Step 3
How does he treat his family? Back in yesteryear, young women were told to watch for the way a man treats his mother and sisters, for that is eventually how he will treat his wife. Amazingly, its true! Men and women who do not treat their current family with respect and integrity will not treat their new family any better. (If your date has an unhealthy family situation, look for signs that he is able to be polite while keeping a safe distance. That is a sign of integrity and should be respected.)
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Step 4
Does he let his family run his life? A mature man or woman needs to be able to emotionally leave the nest and live independently as an adult. A guy who cannot stand up to a controlling parent's inappropriate interference will allow the destruction of his new family rather than upset the old one. Time to break free.
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Step 5
Does your date have strong friendships with other guys? You don't want your future husband to be leaning on relationships with the opposite sex, which could turn into something more. A man needs to count on his guy friends and a woman needs her girl friends for support, advice, and accountability.
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Step 6
Does he exhibit jealous, controlling or domineering behavior? This is a huge red flag! It shows insecurity, and a risky potential for violence towards a partner who "steps out of line". Neither partner should be under the thumb of the other. Get out while you still can!
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Step 7
Does your date demonstrate self-control? Every person needs to have strong enough convictions to stand his ground in the face of life's temptations. Repeatedly slipping in the same area, whether it's addictive or recurring wrong behavior, shows a lack of willpower and reluctance to change.
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Step 8
Does he admit when he's wrong? A person who can't learn from his mistakes, or always blames someone else for his problems, is not a healthy friend, much less life partner. The words "I'm sorry, please forgive me" are essential to any long-term relationship.
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Step 9
Does your date have anger problems? Both men and women are capable of causing serious damage if they cannot control their rage. A person willing to cross the line into verbal, emotional, or physically abusive behavior is a danger to others. Make a clean break.
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Step 10
Is he a man of his word? Let your yes be yes and your no be no. People who say one thing and do another do not deserve your trust. No relationship can grow without honesty, transparency and sincerity.
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Step 11
Does he always tell you what you want to hear? You may enjoy it now, but you will eventually regret choosing a person who won't warn you when you are headed in the wrong direction or challenge you when you're wrong.
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Step 12
Does your date always have to have his own way? Selfishness has no place in a marriage. A person who is not willing to sacrifice and compromise for the benefit of others, (especially his or her family) cannot have healthy relationships. Marriage is based on sacrificial love and giving.
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Step 13
Is he responsible with money? A person who has not learned to manage their finances can cause stress and frustration, take you with them into unnecessary financial crisis, and possibly ruin your credit. Make sure your future mate is willing and able to stick to a budget, curb unnecessary spending, prepare for the future, and stay out of debt.
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Step 14
Does your date have a good work ethic? A person who won't provide for his family or pull his weight is being ruled by selfishness rather than a servant's heart. Everyone has to pitch in and help. Don't commit yourself to a person who expects you to do it all.
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Step 15
Is he overly controlling? A person who must do everything himself is obsessive and unhealthy. Make sure the person you choose to spend your life with can work with you as a team.
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Step 16
Does he struggle with sexual purity? If a man doesn't have much self control BEFORE marriage, it's very unlikely he will be able to maintain fidelity after marriage (unless he learned from his mistakes, regrets them, and has had a true change of heart).
Men and women are not objects to be used for self-gratification. They are human beings who deserve to be treated with respect. A person who tries to justify porn, coarse joking, fantasizing about other people, casual flirtation or immodesty is treating sex like a game, preferring questionable behavior over pure love, and may eventually destroy your relationship. -
Step 17
Is your date reluctant to make a commitment? Fear of commitment shows that there is still some wounds to be healed and/or some growing up to do. A man who is more concerned about his own needs being met than he is about meeting his wife's needs is often fearful or selfish, and may be more likely to stray. An emotionally healthy and confident individual has no qualms whatsoever about making a lifetime commitment once he/she has found the right person.
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Step 18
If you are a Christian, look for Mr Right to have a stable relationship with God that is not easily swayed or broken. It is not your responsibility to be someone else's spiritual anchor. Also, make sure he has accountability with close Christian friends and/or a church. A "lone ranger" is far more likely to fall away and take you with him.
Comments
lezsays said
on 4/23/2009 w-o-w.5*
01KendraWrites said
on 9/3/2008 Terrific article. I'm glad you included other aspects of "Mr. Right" than just chemistry. Having the same goals in life is a must!
acole said
on 9/3/2008 Excellent article. Especially the last step. Great detail, very important. Thanks!
Cherst1031 said
on 9/3/2008 Wow, this is really excellent advice, wish more of us were aware of these important issues when dating. These are all more important than "good looks"!
tstone said
on 9/3/2008 Good things to look for that you may not usually think of. Nowadays most people treat relationships like fast food, and settle for what tastes best at the time. But this is a recipe for a lasting relationship. Sadly the amount of people who meet this criterea are becoming few and far between. To find a person like this, you also have to be one.