How to Raise Children in a Cross-Cultural Marriage

As the global community becomes ever more connected, the number of intercultural marriages increases. This can be a great blessing for your children, who will have the opportunity to be bilingual or even fully bicultural.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Cookbooks
• Couples Counseling
• Foreign Language Tape
• Photo Albums

1. Decide with your spouse which culture you want to emphasize in your home, including which language the children will speak and which religion/customs they will be expected to practice.

2. If you decide to emphasize both cultures equally, consider whether you can spend equal lengths of time in your two countries so that your children will be truly bicultural.

3. If you have decided to emphasize one culture over the other, take time to explain the other now and then by cooking a typical meal, reading about religious rituals and customs, visiting museums, or attending cultural events/festivals.

4. Discuss your separate heritages in terms your small children will understand: refer to specific events in the lives of distant relatives they might know and love, or look at photos of trips you have taken together to one parent's homeland. As children get older, they may be more receptive to discussions about large cultural differences.

5. Consider giving your children an academic boost (and a lifelong advantage) by having each spouse speak his or her own native language to them. Small children will not become confused, but will learn both languages quickly and well.

6. Speak respectfully of your spouse's country of origin and religion whenever you can, and foster close relationships between your children and their relatives far away by exchanging letters and photos or making visits whenever possible.

Tips & Warnings

• Be clear with your spouse about your views on each point. If your early plans are not working out, carefully discuss whether one of you would be willing to change.
• Consider where your children will be living, studying and working.
• Be fair. Decide to whom a practice is most important. For instance, if you are adamant about which religion your child will practice and your spouse is non-committal, discuss whether you should be allowed to make that decision. If your spouse wants to speak his or her native language to the children even though you don't understand it, consider whether you will be able to allow it for the advantages it will bring your children later in life.
• Beware of making compromises you will not be able to keep.
• Avoid making negative comparisons of cultures or criticizing your spouse's "foreign" habits or family in front of the children.