Step1
Broach the subject of dating early on, perhaps during your child's junior high school years, or even sooner.
Step2
Set down some basic rules, including what you consider a proper dating age for both your teen and the teen's dates. Also discuss expectations about group or single dating, curfews, and appropriate destinations. For example, you might feel that only group dating is appropriate until age 16 or that teens should not leave your town or city on their dates.
Step3
Put all of your rules and expectations in an informal written document that you share with your teen. As your teen matures, bring it out and make changes if appropriate.
Step4
Talk with your teen about issues of sex and morality. In addition to discussing your moral views, talk about AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and emotional issues related to sex - critical issues for teens. If you have trouble communicating about these issues with your teen or if you feel that your child is experiencing problems that are too large for you to handle, get help from a counselor, clergy member or medical professional.
Step5
Explain that if your teen winds up in a difficult situation, you are willing and available to pick him or her up - whenever or wherever that might be, no questions asked.
Step6
Tell your teen where in the house to find some extra cash in case he or she is going out and doesn't have money available. Your teen should always carry enough cash to take a cab home in case of emergency.
Step7
Insist that your teen's date come into the house upon arrival for an introduction. Small talk and friendly questions are fine - this is not the best time for interviews, warnings or giving the third degree.
Step8
Make yourself available after the date to talk if your child wants to. Show your interest, but avoid prying. If you decide not to wait up that night, be sure to let your child know beforehand that you'll be available to chat in the morning.
Step9
Keep your ears, eyes and mind as open as possible. A parent's intuition will often spot the first signs of trouble, whether that means alcohol, drugs, an abusive relationship, a significant age difference, or anything else that worries you.
Comments
Anonymous said
on 12/22/2005 By the time a child becomes a teen, if you haven't already done all the talking and limits, it's too late at that point to go further. The best thing is to gradually give up being a controlling parent, and learning to be a friend instead.
Anonymous said
on 11/22/2005 I agree that you should set boundries, but don't make them extremely unreasonable. listen to what your teen wants to do. If they want to date, set limits that you BOTH agree are reasonable. For instance, they can go on a date to a public place, but not over to the boyfriend/girlfriend's house unless there are other people there. If the teen agrees on the boundries, it is far less likely that they will rebel and go do something with their date that they will regret later. Also, the teen will respect you for actually listening to them and compromising with them. This shows you care about their feelings.
Anonymous said
on 11/22/2005 Teens are gonna find ways to see their boyfriend/girlfriend no matter what, so try and make it easier by allowing your child to date as long as they follow certain rules.
Anonymous said
on 11/22/2005 When you take so-called control of teen dating, you usually lose. I do feel that rules & boundaries are important when your teens date. Communicate and come to an agreement of what's expected. Also, try to get to know the new person they're involved with.
Anonymous said
on 11/22/2005 I agree with the this other tip that teens will see their g/f or b/f no matter what and so if parents say it's OK then teens will rebel less, than if it wasn't OK.
Anonymous said
on 8/8/2006 Try going with your child to meet his girlfriend so that you can communicate with them. This will make better relationships with your child's girlfriend.
Anonymous said
on 11/22/2005 Be very careful how many boundaries you set! Some parents assume that more guidelines are easier to follow. Make sure your teen knows the consequences of their actions, but let them be free to make that a choice.
DO insist they let you meet their date! It is a very good way to know just who they are spending their evening with, and a good way to build a friendly relationship. This will avoid problems in the future.
MominNC said
on 7/3/2007 A Mom who needs help - my son, age 16 and his girlfriend, age 16 got themselves in trouble and she ended up with an abortion. I didn't even know this girl existed. Now my eyes and ears are open completely and I have established some dating house rules that he is fighting me on completely. Please share your thoughts. Rule 1 She must provide her on transportation to and from my house majority of the time. Rule 2 She can only visit up to 10:30 p.m. on non school nights. Rule 3 she must stay down stairs in the rec room with the door open, Rule 4 Both of them must be sitting up at all times. No one is allowed to lie down. I need you help because we are struggling terribly.