How to Write a Love Letter

Quick, how many of you out there have ever written a genuine, quill-and-parchment, mailed-with-a-stamp and sealed-with-a-kiss love letter? That’s what I thought. Ever since the advent of the internet, honest-to-goodness love letters—which once were spun out to novelistic lengths by nineteenth-century masters of the form—have become as rare on the ground as spotted leopards (or whatever endangered species suits your fancy). Here’s how to write a love letter that will make your enamored swoon with rapture and, yes, surprise.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Wax Seals
• Acid-free Papers
• Stationery
• Poetry Books
• Perfume
• Postage Stamps
• Fountain Pens

1. Use classy pen and paper. Somehow, a love letter written with a blue Bic on office stationery bearing the motto “You want it done WHEN?” doesn’t exactly invoke violins and roses. At the very least, roust up some heavy-stock, elegant-looking paper, and if you must use an ordinary pen, choose one with a classy color of ink.

2. Open with a tender salutation. “Dear Sirs” or “To Whom It May Concern” are businesslike and direct, but they don’t quite set the proper tone of intimacy. Instead, try “my dearest ____” or “my beloved____,” and be sure to get the name of the person right (you’d be surprised how many first-time letter writers flub this small but important detail).

3. Pour out your heart. A love letter isn’t like a high-school essay, with an introduction, expository text, and recapitulation. What you’re aiming for here is an inexhaustible, stream-of-consciousness recitation of the virtues of your beloved, contrasted with your own inimitable shortcomings. As a general rule: the higher the virtue-to-shortcoming ratio, the classier the letter.

4. Stay focused. If you find yourself running out of material, don’t resort to the dental checkup you had the other day or that guy at work, you know, the really annoying one? Who always plays his radio so loud? And I’ve complained and complained to the boss but I guess no one at this company takes me seriously? Instead, take a break until your romantic fount is replenished and you can get back to that virtue/shortcoming thing.

5. Close with a tender valediction. As in step #2, the cumulative effect of your heartfelt love letter will be completely negated by a lame “regards,” “sincerely” or “respectfully yours.” Consider something more pungent, such as “if only ‘twere written in blood, your abased servant, on whose unworthy head I bid thee bestow thine blessing,” etc. etc.

6. Hire a calligrapher. Once you’ve chosen the proper envelope and stamp—again, consult rule #1—consider hiring a master of fruity scripts to inscribe your beloved’s name and address. The handwriting should be fancy enough to make the mailman squint, but not so fancy that your beloved thinks she's received an invitation to a Bar Mitzvah.

[celticeagle]

on 7/26/2009 Some good information here. Good ideas.

[bhikkublu]

on 7/13/2009 Oh, I do love a good belle lettre!

[dreamteller]

on 6/23/2009 I like almost all of your tips, but I think sincerity is important too. I'm not sure about putting yourself down just to make someone else look better is the way to go. Where would you find a calligrapher by the way?

[howshudilive]

on 5/30/2009 Use a post-it and write "xoxo bb"

[LaraCroft]

on 4/25/2009 If you have a great flowing hand writing, like in the olden days, with an ink pen of thick nib, write off by first how your life was before and "after" you met them, talk about how you feel when you look at them, how you hope you could be together in the future (if thats what you are planning to do) and lastly do not forget to "thank" them for being there for you because it means a lot to youGood luck!