How to Pace an Online Romance

Only fools rush in. Let an online romance begin as a warm, entertaining friendship. Give it months to develop, not weeks or days.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Internet Access
• E-mail Accounts
• Computers

1. Find a potential love interest online.

2. Use chat sessions and e-mail to develop the new friendship.

3. Interact in groups, not just in private chat rooms, and observe your partner's behavior when he or she communicates with others.

4. Exchange photos with your cyber-sweetheart if the friendship goes well for a few weeks. Send them as files attached to e-mail or use P.O. addresses.

5. Enjoy online flirtation, but avoid cyber-sex ("hot chat") if the relationship has lasting potential.

6. Ask - and answer - probing questions about such things as religion, politics, marriage, child-rearing and career plans after you've developed a friendship.

7. Try a telephone conversation with your partner after a month or two of friendly interaction. Generally, the man should reveal his number first.

8. Plan a face-to-face meeting if the phone conversations go well.

9. Get together in a public place, and keep your expectations reasonable.

Tips & Warnings

• When you get a photo of your cyber-sweetheart, compare what you see to the self-description your partner offered you online.
• Always use a post office box when exchanging "snail mail" with online pals.
• A frivolous online friendship is not a good test of romantic potential. Discuss serious topics with your new flame, such as family backgrounds, education and personal passions.
• Do not reveal your phone number or address to a stranger you have chatted with for a few hours. Because of the power "instant intimacy" can wield over a cyber-couple, people have a tendency to rush online relationships.
• When arranging the initial meeting, pick a spot where lots of other people will be around, such as a restaurant or coffeehouse. Think of it as a blind date, and err on the side of caution. A person worth falling in love with will understand and appreciate your sensible behavior.

Who Can Help:

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on 6/30/2006 Talk about how the 2 of you are going to solve the distance issue. One of you has to move in order to get together. What has to be done and when?
Long distance can kill you (experience) if you don't talk about these issues. Don't settle for "when the time comes we do everything we need."
It can be a serious problem. Also, make sure one of you (or both) is able to move around the world. Financially there are big issues here.

on 11/22/2005 Try talking to your online lover with webcams. Not only will you know what eachother looks like, but watching eachother often makes online conversations a lot more interesting and may make meeting him/her in person less intimidating as well.

on 11/22/2005 When the two of you meet, think about whether or not you feel safe getting into the other person's car. If not, consider alternatives, such as walking to a nearby location or taking public transportation. (The latter may not work if you meet in a suburban area.) You will feel safer, and therefore enjoy yourself more.

on 11/22/2005 Think about how far away
this person lives. Speaking from past experiece, I would highly recommend avoiding long-distance relationships.

on 11/22/2005 You shouldn't feel pressured to reveal personal info (phone number, address, etc.) before you're 100% ready to do so. Let the relationship develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. If he's worth it, he'll wait for you!