How to Deal With a Critical Mother-in-Law
When you get married, you not only marry your spouse but their whole family. This experience is often a wonderful adventure for many couples, however not all members of the new extended family are agreeable. Mothers-in-law can be critical and unrelenting to their children's spouses, and such interference can put a strain on the marriage itself. Learn how to deal with a critical mother-in-law and maintain your sanity while still being respectful.
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Instructions
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See if you can pinpoint the nature of your mother's-in-law criticality. Talk to your spouse first about where this behavior may be stemming from; it could be that she has always been critical and now she's extending it to you. Know that some people use criticality as a way of showing love.
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Keep a mental list of each time you are criticized and then counter it with a positive and affirming statement. If the complaint is something you really do need to work on, consider what you can do to change the behavior. Find something positive in your mother's-in-law criticism and use what you can, discarding the rest.
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Ask your spouse to have a talk with their mother about their critical nature. It might go over better in some families than direct contact from you. Check with your spouse, whether or not he agrees with these criticisms, as they might be valid things you need to work on.
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Recognize when the criticism is merely an attempt to be mean or spiteful. Use your intuition to judge the nature of the criticality and adjust your response to the criticism in kind; often ignoring hateful or spiteful criticism will escalate the problem so consider saying something to your mother-in-law yourself about your feelings regarding her criticality.
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Talk to a friend or counselor about your problem to vent your frustration. Often just talking about it to someone else and getting a perspective outside the immediate relationship can be cathartic. If nothing works, try criticizing your mother-in-law for being overly critical. Switch the tables a bit to give just a taste of her own medicine.
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Tips & Warnings
Remain calm in the midst of the criticism; say thank you even to help dissipate anger and inflamed emotions.
Always maintain respect for your spouse's mother even when she is being critical ; it shows your maturity and respect for your partner.
Maintain a strong bond with your partner. Let your spouse know that you aren't against your spouse's mother but her behavior toward you and your family.
