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Step 1
Determine whether you really want to get serious with your current mate or not. Sit down and write all of the pros and cons of continuing a relationship with someone whom you have to coax into being more committed in a relationship.
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Step 2
Write all the ways in which your boyfriend doesn't act like your boyfriend and be as specific as possible. Rate each behavior in terms of how much it bothers you; for instance, if he never holds your hand or never calls you his girlfriend, rate how much this behavior irritates you on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the most annoying.
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Step 3
Block out some time to discuss these issues with your boyfriend. Present the discussion in a manner that doesn't seem like he's "in trouble" because that will only call up images of a mother figure and make a relationship feel even more strained. Find out whether he believes you to be moving too fast or if he needs more "space" in order to feel more connected.
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Step 4
Talk to your boyfriend about how it makes you feel when he doesn't act like you two are together. Stay in a rational and even state of mind so he doesn't disconnect from your feelings because of the emotional content. Present him with your memorized list of things he does that communicate that he doesn't want to be associated with you.
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Step 5
Give an ultimatum on the basis of his behavior changing. Determine on a fair compromise for what you think you should do if he's not comfortable saying that he's your boyfriend. Remember that you must first and foremost look after your emotional well-being.
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Step 6
Set a time limit for him to correct the behavior. You may keep this information to yourself if you'd like. Notice his behavior changes after you talk to him so you can make your decision to stay or leave.
