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Step 1
Begin by getting help for yourself. You can't forgive your abusive parent while you are still suffering from the effects of that abuse. Find a therapist who specializes in helping victims of abuse or seek out a support group for children of abusive parents.
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Step 2
Recognize that your parent was probably abused as well. Your parent may not have known that his or her abuse wasn't normal or you parent may not have gotten the help you are getting and so couldn't help but repeat the pattern she learned in childhood.
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Step 3
Try to understand how your anger toward your parent is a detriment to your life. Your therapist can help you see how anger affects your behavior, your relationships and your peace of mind.
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Step 4
Write a letter to your abusive parent, detailing how the abuse made you feel as a child and how it has affected you as an adult. You may or may not want to give the letter to your parent, but often, just the act of writing the letter can be quite therapeutic. Ask your therapist if you should give it to your parent.
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Step 5
Tell your parent that you forgive him. Do this even if you are no longer in contact with your parent or if your parent is dead. Tell your parent that although the abuse caused you a lot of pain, you choose not to be angry about it any more.
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Step 6
Decide if you want to continue to have contact with your parent. Your parent may be remorseful and determined to improve your relationship, but she may not be able to change or even understand what she did wrong. For your own peace of mind and that of your family, you may have to sever the relationship.
