How to Include Spanking in Child Discipline
Spanking is one of the most controversial forms of disciplining a child. It is hard to believe that only a generation ago no parent thought twice about swatting their kid on the butt when they were bad. Spanking has its benefits and drawbacks, so make sure you know what you are doing before you put your child over your knee.
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Instructions
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Talk to other parents for ideas on how they discipline their children. Some parents will quickly volunteer that they spank their children. Others think it is the ultimate taboo. The most successful parents are the ones that establish routines and ground rules for their children and stick to them.
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Make sure you are spanking him for the right reason. He will remember the spanking, so do it to reinforce something important such as running into the road or touching the stove. Don't spank your kid for spilling their bottle or pulling the cat's tail.
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Determine if you should incorporate spanking as punishment for your child. Spanking isn't appropriate for every child and many believe you shouldn't spank children over eight years old. Instead, let them accept the natural consequences of their actions as much as possible.
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Process what happened after the spanking. After everyone has settled down, sit down and talk with your child about why you spanked them. Even if it is a small child, use small, direct words and phrases to reinforce your message. Give him a hug to show him that you still love him.
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Evaluate how often spanking is used. If you are giving out spankings every day, then it might be time to consider an alternative form of discipline.
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Comments
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I think spanking is a great fit in certain situations. Sometimes children "don't get it" until they can feel it. I try not to ever spank when I am feeling mad though - I think that would fall under abuse.
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I perceive a "splitting of hairs on the definition of spanking/smacking. The truth is the emotional impact from experiencing one as a child and the parents verbal and physical act of spanking are both highly variable! No two are the same! There are no procedural rules for the parent’s action to punish in this manner. For some kids it's not overly traumatizing, for some it is devastating! In my case I sought and received professional therapy that exposed post-traumatic stress disorder flashbacks from spanking. I suffer with a lifelong psychosexual disorder, termed fetish, from it. It was a source of shame and fear about my sexual desires until the internet and then therapy help me understand it completely. Culturally people choose to believe this is just "different" sexual needs/ interest. Truth is such a sexual desire has no natural origin for genetically it serves no purpose in procreation or partner attraction and emotional bonding. It's a sexual abuse side effect from this sort of child punishment for some children. Truth is even hearing or seeing another child experiencing this punishment can create this sexual trauma. My mother ritually commanded the physical steps for spanking me, and she ritually removed my clothing and exposed me for maximum shaming and humiliation. Punishment was mixed with sexual arousal. I experienced that as sexual abuse, or at a minimum a sexual transgression. Parents bath and provide health care including medical for their children and in that context it's not perceived a sexual trespass, the same can't be said for spanking, especially when its intent is to create shame and humiliation. The emotional context, in this case for punishment value, with elements of sexuality mixed in it created psychosexual damage emotionally with a compulsive disorder as an adult to desire to be sexually humiliated by a mother figure and then spanked. Not all abuse symptoms of child abuse from spanking are sexual in nature but some are. There are many other types of emotional scars also. I sadly have met on the internet and in person MANY other adults living with these sort of psychosexual disorders that consider it a "normal" part of their sexuality, and they can be subconsciously motivated to spank for gratification rationalized as being morally a good disciplining parent even a spiritual obedient one! I should know my mother was one. Lastly, while I've learned living with this condition to avoid making this fetish a large part of my sexual desire and act it out with my wife any longer there is a lingering emotional void, that is far, far worse than the sexual attraction. I've been educated that the human emotion of feeling love and sexuality are very closely linked. I know that might be intuitive for many but it wasn't for me. Do to this I live with a sense of NEVER feeling completely loved in accompaniment of my sexual intimacy since I feel a strong degree of being loved by being sexually humiliated and spanked. This type of abuse damage is not common but it is a heavy price to pay going thru life wishing not having this burden or wishing one sought a partner who was afflicted with the same fetish to capitulate for a sense of fulfillment and wellbeing. I challenge the parent who thinks a quick smack is harmless. Remember you won't know you GAVE your child a sexual disorder!
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patriciafarley
Dec 21, 2009
"Bare bottom corner time"?!?! How is that NOT humiliating??? Absolutely NO appropriate message is communicated when an adult abuses her power by having a child stand half-naked in the corner in the name of "discipline." A "private matter between parent and child," indeed! Secrets are always part of the control mechanism when an adult is abusing his/her power. :( -
Judy Ford
Aug 17, 2009
As the parenting expert on eHow I would like to make it clear that I am against spanking in all situations. My workshops are entitled: Parenting with Love and Laughter and that is my approach. ?
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pdeverit
Aug 08, 2009
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research. Just a handful of those raising awareness of why child buttock-battering isn't a good idea: American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Center For Effective Discipline, PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals, Churches' Network For Non-Violence, Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps, Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children, United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Child buttock-battering is illegal in 26 countries. In fact, the US was the only UN mem...
