How to Know Whether You're Really Compatible

You can measure compatibility in a relationship by many factors. If you want your relationship to last a lifetime, you need to do some tough work before saying "I do." These steps can guide you through some of the most difficult work and help you know you're sure of your decision.

Instructions

1. Open up and ask for some outside perspective from loved ones around you. Other people see you in a different light than you do. If the honesty that you've asked for offends you, you may want to seek out more than one opinion.

2. Take the time to answer the question. Knowing if you're compatible doesn't happen overnight. People's personalities shift and bend through the seasons and throughout life's difficulties. If possible, go through a year together in order to have a good idea of how you both behave in every circumstance.

3. Involve him in the tough stuff. It's normal to want to protect someone you're dating from seeing the worst parts of you and your family. But the only way to know if you're truly compatible is to let him see all of you. Surprises are nice, but in this arena, they can be unfair. Let him know exactly who he's with. If he still chooses you, it's a good match.

4. Ask a lot of questions and encourage her to do the same. When all the excitement is past and you're knee deep in your mortgage payments or the kids have finally left, all you have is conversation. Find out if she's someone you enjoy conversing with and you both feel stimulated mentally by your dialog.

Tips & Warnings

• When you're getting opinions, don't just look for--or listen to--people who'll tell you what you want to hear.

• Be aware of whether you're trying to test the relationship rather than answering the compatibility question over time. Some people push their partner to see how he'd react, which is unhealthy and endangers the relationship.