How to Identify and Manage Difficult People at Work

We tend to assume that everyone thinks and behaves like we do and if they don't, we sometimes believe that they’re being disagreeable on purpose just to irritate us. Yet, there are certain behaviors in others and in us that qualify as difficult. Difficult people are not bad people. While some people choose to behave in a difficult way, others can choose to act in a way that rises above the poor choices they make. Most people tend to ignore difficult behavior, hoping that it will go away. Unfortunately, the difficult behavior usually gets worse over time and infects more and more people. People’s needs and preferences vary. Once you know what’s important to an individual, you can develop appropriate ways to respond to them in a timely fashion and before the situation erupts into a raging difficult volcano. Consider these tips when managing the difficult people in your office.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Refuse to play the difficult game. Separate the person from the problem, and view the difficult behavior as an opportunity to grow or understand. Don’t argue or continue to push people who exhibit difficult behavior. They will only get worse. Reflect on what may be happening in that person’s life. Remember, difficult people are not necessarily bad people; they may be under extreme pressure or experiencing hard times.

2. Seek to understand the person’s style. Understanding the difficult person reduces your irritation level, makes you feel better, and puts you in a better state to deal with conflict situations when they arise. Get to know the other person’s behavioral style to determine the most effective approach to use in a given situation. Try to determine what circumstances in the past have contributed to their current situation.

3. Be quick to listen. You learn more with your mouth closed and ears open. Totally focus on what the person is saying. Paraphrase in your own words to check for accuracy. Repeat without agreeing so the person knows you understand his/her concerns.

4. Manage difficult people by understanding your own strengths and weaknesses and then adjusting to the personal styles of others to exert positive influence. Don’t think about your own response while the other person is talking and don’t interrupt. Everyone wants to gain acceptance over the long term, so people typically adjust their behavior according to how they think other people expect them to behave.

5. Maintain a positive mindset as you deal with difficult people. Look for ways to communicate with others in a more positive manner, to prevent future conflicts, and to resolve any current problems before they get out of hand. Don’t blame or intimidate. Ask “how” questions to get input, and provide clear suggestions to avoid a similar situation from happening in the future.

6. Call a time out. Set a time limit for immersion in a negative situation or with a person who engages in difficult behavior. Move away from the situation for a while, and come back after time for reflection and re-energizing. Take your time, be persistent, and don’t criticize.

7. Affirm the relationship. When you have a heated exchange with someone close to you, control your temper, take time to affirm each other, and reinforce the importance of the relationship. In some cases, you may need to respond to a forceful person in a forceful manner. Be specific about the facts and the solution to the problem, and don’t dwell on the personalities or feelings that are involved.

8. Stay focused on a common solution. Time and energy are wasted proving someone is right or wrong. Get their input on how to improve the situation and act on it if possible.

Resources

• Answers to Your Questions about Job & Career
• Strengthen Your Work Relationships

[amylaine]

on 12/28/2008 Great tips. Very important.

[MIghtyDreamer]

on 7/3/2008 You've used some great pics in your last two articles.
The first tip in this article can be used throughout in so many different areas of life with just variations, how true it is! and time outs, well they can be difficult but can certainly help diffuse a heated maybe soon to be boiling temperment or agrument. Good and warranted tips. thanks