How to Look for Love in All the Right Places

Are you looking for love in the right places?

I once heard somebody say that if you want love in your life, you must seek love from those who are willing to give love to you. While this statement may seem obvious, its practice is actually quite elusive. Why else would so many of us make ourselves miserable trying to squeeze love from people who are uninterested, unavailable or simply unable to do so? If you've been looking for love in all the wrong places, follow these tips to get your quest back on track.

Instructions

1. Define what love means to you. I once dated a guy who liked to talk on the phone several times a day and wanted to see me nearly every day. I, on the other hand, was content to touch base just twice a week. In the end we had to part ways, not because we didn't love each other, but because our styles of relating were just too different: he continually felt neglected by me, I constantly felt pressured by him. Before you go looking for love, define what it is you want to give and receive from your partner.

2. Go to where what you want is abundant. If you want to swim in the ocean, you don't drive to Kansas, you drive to California. That's what I told a girlfriend of mine who desperately wants to get married and have children, but her boyfriend believes marriage is a confining institution and had a vasectomy years ago. My friend is convinced that he'll change his mind, and she's even hoping that he'll get his operation reversed. After three years of dating, however, it doesn't look good. Remember: If you want marriage and babies, you don't choose a perennial bachelor with a vasectomy; you choose a marriage-minded man who dreams of fatherhood. And if you want to talk on the phone three times a day, you don't choose a woman who is elusive and introverted, you choose a woman who is available and gregarious.

3. See what is. Our minds can create all sorts of romantic ideals of how things could be if only he would try this or she would change that. If your relationship is splendid in your dreams, but rocky in reality, face facts--imaginary potential rarely comes to fruition.

4. If it's broke, fix it. Does your quest for love continually result in failed attempts? It's time to examine your approach. Do you come off as overbearing? Pushy? Adamant? Do you seem distant, nonchalant and uninterested? Instead of feeling bad or scolding yourself for your failed attempts at love, take an objective look at your approach; fix what isn't working and try something new.

5. Make yourself available. Smile, look people in the eye, put out the vibe that you are open to relating. Do this everywhere, always.

6. Look at love in new ways. Love comes in many forms. What unexpected ways do you see love exhibited in your life today?

7. Banish ruts. Try it all. Cultivate a variety of friends. Approach life like play. Live with your spirit open, your body ready and your mind willing to embrace adventures.

8. Most importantly, know that you deserve love, trust that you will find love, believe you already have love.