How to Have a Friendly Divorce

You and your spouse move through life doing things together, acquiring things, accomplishing things. Then there’s divorce. You’re angry, hurt, and bitter. Breaking up is hard to do, but there are ways you can get along, and even remain friends after the divorce is final. Here are some simple tips.

Instructions

1. End the cycle of conflict. Once you get past the emotional issue and stop hating each other, you can start thinking clearly and save yourself from a lot of unnecessary stress. Conflict is inevitable. But whatever the issues, there are ways to resolve them. Sometimes you find the answers quickly. Sometimes you won’t. Resolving conflict is not about figuring out who is right, or who is to blame. It’s about moving forward and learning to deal with each other in the future.

2. Interact in a way that forwards cooperation rather than in a way that creates more pain. Remember, when someone gets hurt, she automatically puts up a wall of protection and becomes critical of the other person. Then the other person gets upset and becomes more judgmental toward the first person.

3. Take some time to calmly talk about what’s best for everyone. If you find yourself feeling angry or impatient, try to be supportive of each other, no matter how difficult it may be. You both may have some valid points for feeling the way that you do. The key is to stop being a threat to the other person. Anytime you fight the other person, you force him to fight even harder to protect himself from you.

4. Don’t argue. When you argue nothing gets resolved and everyone gets more upset. By listening to what the other person is saying, you take away his or her resistance against you and you can then create an environment where the other person can hear what you have to say. Once you both have opened the doors of communication, you can start looking for a solution that would be in the best interest of the entire family. Think carefully about the property items you want and the choices you make. If you want the house, make sure you will be able to afford and maintain it in the future. No matter how angry you are, it’s really important to think logically.

5. Seek help if you are overwhelmed by the feelings of your situation. The period of adjustment after a divorce or separation is not easy. The more support you get, the faster you will get through this. Try to look at the breakup or end of a marriage as a fresh start--an opportunity for growth. If you are able to think like this, you can resolve the issues involved easier and the legal process will go quickly.

6. Put “pen to paper.” Writing is good for whatever ails you. Expressing your thoughts helps reduce stress and also will help you to gain control over your fluctuating feelings. Writing 15 to 20 minutes a day has the power to influence the way you think about things, and help you to look at a traumatic experiences differently.

Tips & Warnings

• Anger is a normal reaction when couples split up, and if children (or pets) are involved, custody disputes can be psychologically brutal.