How to Help a Teenage Mother Prepare for Baby

Despite the availability of birth control, safe sex education and abstinence programs, teenagers continue to have sex and get pregnant. Although teenage pregnancy rates wax and wane, on some level teenage pregnancy will always occur. While no parent wants their daughter to struggle with a challenge as great as unplanned parenthood, here are some tips for helping a teenage mother prepare for motherhood.

Things You'll Need

• The ability to be supportive
• Willingness to see the long-term picture
• Great prenatal care
• Access to prenatal classes
• Empathy
• Compassion
• Unconditional love

Instructions

1. Support her. A teenage mother needs both emotional support and support to continue following her dreams, whether this means helping her to stay in school, finding a way to home school her or helping her pursue her other dreams while pregnant. Lecturing her about what she did “wrong” or filling her with guilt and shame will serve no purpose other than to undermine her self-worth and damage your relationship with her. She is probably emotionally beating herself up as it is and needs unconditional love--not emotional abuse. If you are angry or disappointed, get the help you need to let it go.

2. Help her get proper prenatal care. Teenage mothers are at higher risk of some complications than older mothers are, while at lower risk of other ones. For every age group, however, proper prenatal care is essential. Help her find a physician that is sensitive to her situation.

3. Help her with necessary lifestyle adjustments. Help her to transition to a healthier diet and fitness regimen if necessary. If she has any high-risk behaviors--such as smoking, drinking alcohol, taking drugs or having unsafe sex --get her the support she needs to discontinue the behaviors. Encourage her to listen to her body and rest when she needs to.

4. Enroll her in some prenatal classes if she would like to attend. Whether these are childbirth classes, breastfeeding classes, infant safety and CPR or classes for teens raising babies, help her get involved if she is interested. Finding classes focused on teens can help her feel safer asking questions or going at all. If she’s nervous, embarrassed or shy, you can offer to go with her. Alternatively, the baby’s father or a best friend could attend classes with her.

5. Have faith in her. Remember that this teenager will be an adult woman very soon, who is fully invested and capable of caring for a child. A teenager can seem very young to a 40- or 50-year-old, but teenagers throughout history have accomplished many amazing feats. Although she will be assuming parental responsibilities sooner than is the desired norm in our culture, almost every young woman capable of having sex is capable of raising a child. She might be a fabulous mother from the moment of conception, but, even if she lacks maturity now, a few years of motherhood can give her the experience to become a phenomenal mother with your support.

6. Help her keep her baby if that's what she wants. A few years, and a few dollars from now, she will likely have the same resources an adoptive family might have. Many women, who give up children as teens, regret it the rest of their lives and many adoptive children feel a great void without their birth mother no matter how much they love their adoptive parents.

7. Choosing adoption: If a teenage mother chooses adoption, make sure she spends time with the baby if she would like to and that she has adequate time to assess her feelings on the matter without outside pressure. Pregnancy and postpartum hormones can alter ones view dramatically and it is crucial that such a life-altering decision happens with feeling and with full knowledge of the possible repercussions.

8. Help her connect with other teenage mothers. Many teenage mothers say how hard it is for them to bond with other mothers because of their age differences. Especially as many women are waiting longer to first conceive, the teenage mother’s ability to connect with her peers is challenging. Still, all moms know how valuable and educational it can be to talk to other mothers, so helping her connect can provide her with an invaluable resource.

9. Don’t force her to marry or prevent her from marrying. These are her choices to make now, even if she is young. Forcing marriage might just lead to divorce. She she can put the father’s surname on the birth certificate, whether or not they are married and if that's her desire. On the other hand, if she wants to marry the father and she is underage, try to remain open to the idea and to let her make the decision on the matter with your loving input, if possible.

10. Think about it. If you are the parents of a teenage mother, remember that this is your grandchild and your love for this child will be just as deep as it would if your daughter became pregnant 5 or 10 years later. The baby might have your eyes, your daughter’s sparkling wit or your father’s gentle voice. When negative emotions get the best of you, let them go and enjoy the newest member of your family .