How to Embarrass Your Children in Front of Their Friends

Why, you ask, would anyone want to embarrass their children in front of their friends? Sometimes, they deserve it. Sometimes they need to be taught a lesson. And, sometimes, it's just a lot of fun.

Difficulty:

Moderately Easy

Instructions

How to Embarrass Your Children in Front of Their Friends

1. Sing in front of your children's friends. This is incredibly embarrassing, even if you have a good voice. Your kids are embarrassed enough when you sing in front of them. The embarrassment multiplies ten-fold when their friends are around. If you do happen to be a talented vocalist, try to sing a little off-pitch on purpose. Harmonize, just a half-step under, and watch your kids squirm in agony.

2. Engage your children's friends in conversations about their hobbies or bands they like. Nothing will provoke the uncomfortable eye roll of your offspring like this conversation starter: "So, Danny, I see you're wearing a Death Cab For Cutie t-shirt. Those guys really know how to play rock and roll, don't they?" Also, engaging your kid's friends in conversations about hobbies like skateboarding and sports is embarrassing. Be sure to throw in random terminology, just to increase the cringe factor: "That's a nice skateboard, Jay. Bet you could do a killer ollie on that."

3. Talk about the difference between how things are now, and how things were when you were their age. This is a classic, and is sometimes overused, but always works in a pinch. Don't limit yourself to just talking about the difference in how much things cost, however. Broaden your horizons. For example: "Back when I was in high school, Maple Street was the place to be. Every Friday, we'd ride up and down that strip and you'd see everyone there. Now, it's a ghost town. I don't understand what you kids do for fun these days."

4. Tell terrible jokes. This is the best, quickest and most effective way to embarrass your kids in front of their friends. Buy a couple of joke books from the local book store, if you don't know enough bad jokes of your own. The cornier the better. Tell the jokes to your kid and his friends exuberantly. Then, in the dead silence after you've said the terrible punch line, double over in laughter at your own joke. This is so satisfyingly embarrassing in and of itself, that you may not need any of the other suggestions. But, it is nice to change things up a bit.