Difficulty: Moderately Challenging
How to Talk to a Child About Divorce.
Step1
Tell the children about the divorce with both parents present, if possible. This helps to present the divorce as a reasonable decision and sets a tone of cooperation between the parents. Children move through denial more quickly when they see that both parents agree on this decision. When both parents have control, the children are less likely to take sides. Children need to hear this decision from their parents.
Step2
Tell all of the children in the family at the same time. Children can truly help each other, especially in divorced situations. If there is a wide range in ages, tell them together and then again separately, adapting each explanation to the age of the child.
Step3
Tell the children of the divorce as soon as it becomes a firm decision. They should know in advance when one parent intends to leave. It is cruel to tell children after one parent has already left. A child will never forget that shock. Divorce should be presented as a decision that parents have reached with great sadness. The expression of sadness is important because it gives children permission to cry. Clarity is important and it is best to give your children as much detail as possible about what lies ahead.
Step4
Tell them important information such as: Thought the marriage has ended, their family life will continue, including relationships with extended family. While adult feelings for one another can change, a special love and closeness between a parent and child goes on forever. Parents will continue taking care of their children and providing for them. Though their lifestyle may change, basic needs will be met. Children had no part in the change of feelings between their parents. They in no way caused the divorce, nor as much as they would like, can change their parents decision to divorce. The decision to divorce was not sudden, but a carefully thought out direction after trying to make the marriage work. Parents regret the hurt this decision has caused their children.7. Though the divorce will bring lots of change in the time spent with parents, other areas in the life of the child may continue- the same school, house and friends.8. Younger children, in particular, need routines to structure their lives. Share with them what will remain the same.9. Parents understand children will have many concerns and feelings about the divorce. Let them know you are available to listen to their worries. Also ask if there is anything they do not understand.10. Finally, parents need to give children permission to love both parents.
Step5
Explain to an older child what the legal process will be, later, after the child has had some time to adjust to the initial shock of the divorce. If the parents don't share the following items with their children, it can save their children needless worry. Don't cast blame upon the other parent for the divorce. Don't give the message that one parent is the good guy and one the bad guy, even if you feel that way. Details of what went wrong in the marital relationship (for example affairs, money problems etc.). Children don't need this information and are troubled by these facts. Negative statements about the other parent. Do not express any negative feelings about the other person to the children, since it will cause emotional conflicts.
Novice 
