How to Treat a StepChild with Respect

The role of step parent can be awkward at first. Here are some tips and rules about relating to and respecting your newest family member(s).

Things You'll Need

• Respect
• Sensitivity
• Understanding

Instructions

1. Respect Their Love ~ No matter what you think about your partner's ex, your stepchild loves them completely. Never insult their biological parents. Even when your stepchild has struggles with their biological parent(s), remain neutral and supportive. Never put your stepchild in a position where they have to defend the person they love. Even when it seems like you are taking your stepchild's side, by insulting or questioning their parents you are making them choose between your budding friendship and their loyalty to their biological parent.

2. Don't Disillusion ~ Your stepchild might be misinformed about a lot of things. They may have been lied to about the details of their parents' separation. They may have illusions about their biological parents' professional and social status. Sometimes these illusions will be insulting to you. You have the right to inform a child about facts as they pertain to you. However, you should never correct a child about details involving their parents. Example: Your stepchild tells you that you stole Mommy from Daddy. You have the right to say, "I'm sorry, but Mommy and Daddy were already apart when I met your Mommy." However, you should not say, "Your parents broke up because your Daddy cheated." Or "Your Mommy left your Daddy because he was abusive."

3. Know Your Place ~ Understand that a big fear for most step-children is the introduction of a new authority figure in their lives. The last thing any child would want is a new boss, especially one they haven't established love or trust with. This fear is even greater when conflict exists between their biological parent and their step-parent. Do not attempt to punish a step child. It's not your place. You can set limits and make it clear that their presence is contingent upon them following rules. However, punishment is the job of a biological parent.

4. Give them Space ~ You don't need to be with your partner and their child all the time. They have an intimate relationship that has been developing for years. They are used to private time together. Respect that need. Don't accompany them on all outings, even if you are invited. When your stepchild visits, find a reason to leave the house alone and give the child time alone with their biological parent. Remember that the time they have to spend together is precious and limited. Allow them to make the most of that time together.

Tips & Warnings

• You don't have to be their new parent, so the pressure is off.

• Don't try to be their new parent or authority figure.

• Don't ever insult their biological parents, even if you agree when they do it.

Resources

• How to Deal with a Disrespectful Step Child
• More Articles