How to Use Natural Consequences in Discipline

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By oneloved
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Use Natural Consequences in Discipline

Also known as "Reality Discipline", this method uses real life experiences as the best teacher. Instead of shielding our children from all the consequences of their actions, we let them experience the natural results of their behavior (within reason). This article will help you learn how to use this method effectively.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Patience
Creativity
Ability to stand firm and hold your ground

Step 1

The purpose of discipline is to teach and instruct our children, so they know which behaviors are inappropriate. As parents, our job is also to prepare our children to live and thrive in the world beyond our doors, and the best way to do that is to let them learn from real life experiences whenever possible.
Step 2

Teach by example. Children are the world's greatest imitators, and they act out what they see their elders doing. When you make a mistake, own up to it, apologize, accept the consequences graciously, and let your child see that you, too, are human. That goes a long way to show your child the reality that we all make mistakes, and have to learn from them.
Step 3

Don't protect or rescue your child from the natural consequences of their actions. Respect them to make choices, and accept the results of those choices. For instance, if you tell your child to hold tight to their balloon and not let go, the natural consequence if they disobey is that the balloon floats away, and they don't get another one.
Step 4

No need to yell, nag, argue, or negotiate. Clearly explain the reason why the consequence is the result of their choice (or innappropriate behavior), and then stand your ground. If a child knows early on that no amount of arguing or screaming is going to make you budge, they'll eventually give up.
Step 5

STAND FIRM! Experience is the best teacher, but it can also be a painful one. If you tell your child to eat their dinner and they refuse, they naturally have to wait until the next meal. They may whine, cry, and insist they're starving (they won't die, I promise!), but the only way to learn from their choice is to let real life teach the lesson, without your interference. Next time, they'll remember!
Step 6

Don't micromanage. This includes nagging or constantly reminding a child to do something. Otherwise, they'll become dependant on you to remind them or motivate them to get things done, and that's not how the real world works. Tell them once to do their laundry, and if they forget, the natural consequence is they have to wear dirty, smelly clothes to school. If that's not enough to motivate them, the next consequence is that they're not allowed to go anywhere else until their clothes are clean, because nobody wants to be around a smelly person. If that's still not enough, the next step is to confine them to their room because "the rest of the family can't stand the smell, either." And of course, since no food is allowed in the bedroom, they must have clean clothes to wear before they can come to the table. The key is to keep upping the ante until the circumstances are too uncomfortable for the offender to continue the behavior.
Step 7

In cases where the natural consequence is too dangerous or impractical to allow (such as being hit by a car for running out in the street), try a "logical consequence" instead - one that is directly related to the offense. A child who cannot be trusted not to dash out into the street, for instance, has to hold on to their parent's hand or belt loop the entire time they're out on their next outing.