How to Pretend to be a Flake
It is said that the only reward for good work is more work, so sometimes being too reliable can be a bad thing. There are definitely times where you would rather be known as a flake to certain people, even friends. Fortunately, playing a flake is much easier then being responsible!
- Difficulty:
- Moderate
Instructions
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Don't
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1
Never, ever pick up the phone. Always let the call go to voice mail. And then, even if it is a pressing event, wait at least a day before calling back.
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2
Never answer your email. Ever.
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3
Show up at least a half an hour late if your friend has made plans that include you. If she asks why you were late make up an extremely lame excuse, such as you thought you had left your shower on and you had to return to your house to check.
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4
Don't show up. Every so often, when you make a plan with a friend, don't show up at all. When they call you over and over to ask where you are, do not pick up the phone. If they sound worried send them a text saying you had other plans that you'd forgotten about.
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5
Pretend: When you are out and about with your friend pick a particularly bad moment to pretend to get a phone call, such as when they are talking about a very serious topic. Pretend to talk to the person on the phone about a very unimportant subject such as nail polish color choices. Talk to the pretend person for at least 10 minutes.
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6
Work poorly. If you get asked to do some task, such as getting coffee, do it incredibly badly. Get four completely wrong drinks, get smoothies instead, get just one drink for yourself, or just never come back from the errand.
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7
Claim poverty. Whenever you are out anywhere, always claim to not have any money. Make a big deal of hitting the ATM, and then only get $20 out. Spend the money extremely quickly so you are broke again. Claim you need to hit another ATM. Repeat three more times.
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8
Depart. If you are out with a group of people at an event, pick a random time to slip away and leave without telling anyone. So that they don't worry, text them a message an hour or so later that says simply "I left. Talk to you later!"
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9
Never write down numbers or addresses so that you have to ask for them over and over and over again.
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10
Constantly forget people's names, even if you have met them many times. Also, ask them the same question every time you re-meet them, such as what they do for a living. Always have the same response, such as "Oh my dad does that too."
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11
Disappear. Every once in a while just fall of the face of the earth. After a few weeks or months contact your friend and act surprised when they ask you where you've been. Just say you were "Really busy".
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1
Tips & Warnings
Be consistent with your flakiness. People will catch on fast.
Be prepared to lose friends.
