How to Squash a Zombie Uprising

Zombie Attack

Zombies have existed in the human psyche for millennia. Zombies can even be found in the Epic of Gilgamesh, dating back before 2000 B.C. As with so many enduring creatures of the night, there is no concrete evidence that zombies have ever existed. But what if they do show up on the scene someday? All of the cries of "Zombies don't exist" in the world won't save you then. Knowing how to fight off a zombie uprising just might save your life.

Things You'll Need

• Large group of survivors (if possible)
• Large stockpile of guns and other weapons (if possible)
• Thick leather clothing (must nonetheless allow movement)
• A place to hole up (a large supermarket is ideal)

Instructions

Squash a Zombie Uprising

1. Start getting ready as soon as the problem becomes apparent. Waiting for the government to fix things can only lead to your demise and the eventual overrunning of the world by zombies.

2. Put on your thick leather clothing before going out. This will give you some protection against zombie bites. Ensure that you protect your forearms, legs and neck. If a zombie sneaks up on you and gets a bite in, you'll have enough time to safely get away if your clothes are thick enough to prevent penetration.

3. Carry as many weapons with you as possible. If there are others around you who are not zombies, ensure that they have weapons as well. Make sure that you have extra ammo for guns. You should also bring a weapon that doesn't need bullets. If you happen to run out of bullets, a gun will do you no good.

4. Organize with any survivors you find. If you come across people who have been bitten but have not yet become zombies, do them and yourself a favor: Kill them.

5. Decide on a base of operations. If there is still radio contact, use it to find somewhere safe. (But remember, just because it is safe now, doesn't mean it'll remain safe.) A good place to hold up would be a "supercenter" in your town. These supercenters likely only have two large entrances to guard. There is also enough food in these places to support a large number of people for an extremely long time. DO NOT the advice of the movies and go to a mall. There are way too many entrances to cover.

6. Decide whether to hide or fight. If you are going to hide and wait for the zombies to (hopefully) starve to the point that their motor functions don't work, board up the entrance to your supercenter. This is for emergency fortification only. As soon as you get the chance, you should make use of the quick drying cement and any bricks in your supercenter.

7. Mobilize everyone who is willing to fight (if you're going to fight). It would be smart to board up the supercenter entrances anyway. There are other ways for you to exit the supercenter to fight, and the zombies are more likely to try the large entryways than the fire exit in the employee lounge.

8. Take out any zombies you can see from the roof of your supercenter. If no one is a good shot or you don't have guns (which you should be able to find in a supercenter), try dropping heavy objects (bricks, televisions, etc.) onto the zombies' heads.

9. Remember how to kill a zombie while taking one on. Your best chance is destroying its brain. Do this by shooting the zombie in the head, bashing its skull in or cutting off its head. If you cut off the head, make sure to keep away from it. There is a chance it may still function, since the brain remains intact.

10. Keep radios going at all times (even if you're carrying a walkman). If a large group of survivors holes up in a nearby town, you'll want to know, so you can contact them. The more survivors you have, the more zombies you can kill.

11. Prepare for the long haul if the combined efforts of you and the military don't immediately take out the zombie uprising. This is where holing up in a supercenter will pay off. You'll have plenty of supplies. Do not underestimate the measures world leaders will go to in order to quell a zombie uprising. Always listen to the radio for any bulletins. If there are any broadcasts that hint at an imminent full-scale attack (nuclear, bombings, etc.), get to safety, whether it be a fallout shelter or the most zombie-free town you can find.

12. Set up a constant food source. If you secured yourself in a supercenter, there should be plenty of seeds, soil and a large roof to plant it all on. Once it is obvious that you're not leaving for a while, fill every empty container in the store with tap water. The town's water supply could go bad within days.

13. Wait out the zombies. Unlike in the movies, they will eventually have to stop. Zombies are constantly decomposing, so even if their muscular structure could continue to work for years after death (which it can't), they will decompose to the point that they can't do anything except lie down and rot.

14. Burn all remaining zombie bodies (after they are no longer zombified). Try not to inhale the smoke, just in case.

Tips & Warnings

• If you end up stuck in your house, try to follow as many of the above steps as possible. Fortify your home. Stock up on as much water as possible. Don't do anything to draw attention to your home.

• Do not take chances with people who appear to be dead. They could become undead in a matter of seconds.

• Be prepared to take out loved ones. Once they're dead, they're no longer the people you knew.

Resources

• Quick Zombie Reminders
• How to Spot a Zombie