How to Spot Signs of an Abusive Person

An abusive person refers to anyone (male or female) who torments and controls other people emotionally, psychologically, and physically. This type of individual enjoys making his victims suffer to the point of damaging their spirits and making them feel that they deserve to be tortured that way. Most of these victims are their loved ones, who loyally cling to them because of fear. Sometimes there is always a big question about how or why these unfortunate people got stuck living with an abuser. Well for one thing, spotting an abuser is not as easy as it seems. In many cases, victims are not able to spot the patterns of abuse until it’s too late. Abusers have their way of controlling the minds of others. They do not follow the rules that they formulate for everyone else to follow. To know more about how to spot an abusive person read on below.

Instructions

How to Spot an Abusive Person

1. 

   Starting fights: An abusive person always wants to bicker and start conflict with others. They always do it with applications of force such as pushing, grabbing, slapping, punching, or kicking. It excites them to see others being hurt.

2. 

   Makes excuses to justify his behavior or actions: Instead of feeling sorry, abusers tend to use an excuse or blame for what happened. For example: “I had a rough day, so when you asked me that question, I lost my temper.” Or “It’s your fault. I wouldn’t have hit our dog if you hadn't butted in.” The abuser never holds himself accountable.

3. 

   Denies every single mistake: An abuser refuses to claim responsibility for his actions. When you ask him why why he hit you or said those mean things to you, he will always say “I never did that” or “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

4. 

   Overly controlling: The abuser always wants things to go the way he wants them to go. Abusers are into controlling people's minds through threats and physical force. Blackmailing or threats on your life and your family's are the common tactics that are used in order to coerce you into doing something for him.

5. 

   Controlling: Uncontrollably jealous and extreme possessiveness is another sign of an abuser. An abusive person will ask you who are you talking to, gets jealous when you spend time with your family, accuses you of flirting with others, may make repetitive calls to you when you’re inside or outside the house, and may not allow you to dress well or look good in fear that someone may find you attractive and will steal you away from him.

6. 

   Destroying objects around you, especially those that are dear to you, is another symptom of an abuser. When in an argument, abusers tend to cause destruction such as punching the walls, throwing things, breaking plates or glasses, and disfiguring furniture. And, to really torture you some more, an abuser tends to damage your favorite things, such as breaking the necklace that your mom gave you or tearing up the painting that you love the most.

7. 

   Transgresses boundaries by invading your personal space and treats you without respect. An abuser always gets in your way just to accomplish what he wants and always does things against your will.

8. 

   Exhibits low self-esteem: Even if he has low confidence, the abuser tends to act as if he is powerful and strong and he expresses it by belittling and degrading everyone else in order to elevate himself.

9. 

   Unable to identify and express emotions in the right way and shows it by displacing anger on you even if he is angry with somebody else. An abuser's temper is beyond control. A quick burst of rage is exhibited when anything sets him off, even if it's a simple frustration or annoyance.

10. 

    Appears nice to other people but not to you. An abusive person may act as a good friend to his colleagues at work but when at home, his/ behavior turns the opposite way. This is one of the reasons why some people can not detect the signs of abuse.

11. 

    Too dependent on his physical and emotional needs. An abuser always tells you that he needs you all the way. But having said this it means that you have to live up to his criteria of being the person that he wants you to be.

12. 

    Lies to you constantly and plays with your emotions in any way possible such as calling you names, degrading your being, ignoring your emotions, depreciating your achievements, insults you in front of others and poisons your mind with constant bad-mouthing and threats.

13. 

    Isolates you from others in order to have you all to himself. An abuser may isolate you from your family and friends by not letting you use the phone.

14. 

    Showing no respect to other people and is cruel to animals. May show no respect to elders, hurts children, and exhibits great annoyance to animals by torturing them.

15. 

    Makes sexual advances or forces you to have sex even if you’re not feeling well. He may want you to watch pornographic videos or magazines and wants you to be involved with all his wild fantasies even against your will.

16. 

    Displays great fascination on anything that has to do with violence and shows it by playing and threatening you with guns or knives, listening to hateful music, and watching overly violent shows.

17. 

    Admits to hurting and attacking someone in the past but blames that person for making him do it.

18. 

    Uses drugs and alcohol uncontrollably without ever listening to your complains. And, even if you do complain about it, all you get are insults and beatings for getting in his way.

Tips & Warnings

• If you spot any of these characteristics in the person you are with, please make a wise choice to share with someone who can help you. Call the nearest police station to put an end to your suffering or contact any agency that is ready to help abused individuals.